Somebody Needs to Tell…Antonio Cromartie

GrownHeadz isn’t into stereotypes about athletes. Our publisher is a former football player and Resident Alien has a mean volleyball serve. But these last couple weeks, our professional brethren have been dumb-jocking it to an exceptional level. We love them, but today’s picks need an open-hand smack to the face and a good long talk on taking precautions. They’re not completely lost. Somebody just needs to tell ‘em.

Somebody needs to tell…
Antonio Cromartie about an awesome invention called condoms, so you don’t knock up every single footballer-balling groupie that sneaks into your hotel room.

If only Antonio ran the math: a $9 box of condoms (one for each kid) would’ve saved him $250,000 annually in child support.  
A quarter of 

a mill a year is fine (well, no, it REALLY isn’t) when you’re 26, but it’s not going to be pretty when you’re 40, retired, and all four of your current crop of 3-year-olds hit college.

Check out the clip of him struggling to get all their names right. He missed one altogether! Get it together and stop fucking up innocent kids’ lives.

Somebody Needs to Tell…

Ozzie Guillen that Miami doesn’t play by the rules (i.e. Constitution, Bill of Rights, Amendments, Free Speech, etc.) when it comes to Cuban Americans and Castro. They will set that ass on fire.

Ozzie Guillen pres conference
"Ooohhhh, shit."

The Miami Marlins manager told Time MAgazine, “I love Fidel Castro. A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that motherfucker is still here.”

Guillen caught himself and tried to dial it back from love to “respect,” but Miami wasn’t having it. He’s on a five-game suspension, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s beefed up his personal security either.

Only one thing can repair his career in Miami: starting every sentence from now on with “Fidel Castro is a son-of-a-bitch.”

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Somebody Need To Tell: Dick,Mitt, and TMZ

This Dick's sneer puts homophobes in fear.

Somebody Needs To Tell…..

Dick Cheney
Word on the street is, the surest way to convince a Republican state rep to recognize same-sex unions is to call in Captain Equality, that champion of freedom everywhere, Dick Cheney. Yes, the Machiavellian man behind the throne through the Bush years has become a strong-arm advocate for marriage equality. It helps that his daughter and, it’s rumored, his wife are among the lesbian ranks, so he has some skin in the game. We here at Grownheadz commend you, Mr. Cheney. It’s wonderful to see a card-carrying Republican lend your considerable conservative weight behind a noble cause. Dick even trots out a nice soundbite: “Freedom ought to mean freedom for everybody.”

Now, before this turns into a full-blown Dick-fest (pause), we AIN’T forgot. Dick’s tax cuts for the rich still have America walking sideways, we were losing 75 million a MINUTE for a war in Iraq cause in his words, “they had more stuff to blow up,” and his bold-faced bragging that he authorized torture and would proudly do it again has France and England losing all our party invitations in the mail. So hey, it’s nice to see that the Tin Man has a heart for one segment of the population, but on the real? Dick can still, well, eat himself.

During their coverage of Whitney Houston’s funeral, TMZ informed the world that the transpiring events were in fact a “home going.” They explained that “home going” is a common term used in the black community to describe funeral services. That’s fine, the more you know and all that. The problem was, after that educational moment, they kept up a continually snarky, sarcastic, quotation-marked reference to Whitney’s funeral as a home going. Note to TMZ: Black folks ONLY use home going on the cover of the program—in every other instance, it’s fine to say funeral. Ask some of those black staffers we see on the TV sitting around the office and you’d know that.

For a guy named Mitt, he sure does drop the ball a lot. Ba-da-bing!

Mitt Romney
It appears that Newt “Never Drop” Gingrich has taken the lead in polls leading up to the Republican Michigan Primary. Hate to break it to ya, Willard (how the hell that got shortened to Mitt I’ll never know), but you might have to take an L. Remember back in 2008, when it really, really looked like the Big Three auto companies were about to come crashing down? Michigan does. Mitt, a man born in the state, whose daddy was once governor and the CEO of a defunct auto manufacturer, was running for president. A son of Michigan had a national platform to speak for them. And what does he tell the world? Let it crash. Let it fail. No government bailout, no help, just let’em go out of business. GM’s entire third shift nearly went to join Elizabeth.

Well, what a difference four years make. Mitt must have prayed he’d have the nomination in the bag before the Michigan primaries rolled around, so the vote wouldn’t matter much. Ooops. Check your history books, and you’ll find there’s nothing worse than a Teamster with a grudge. Mitt’s making appearances around the state talking about being a “son of Detroit” and how he loves lakes… and cars. Whatever dude. What should have been a cake-walk is now a 10-car pile-up, and we think we’d rather take the bus.

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Somebody Need To Tell….

John McCain that martinis and meds don’t mix.
The former presidential candidate was on the O’Reilly Factor discussing Arizona’s newest immigration law, which allows police to conduct random checks to determine whether someone is in the US illegally. Foes of the legislation believe — rightfully so — that this is just legal racial profiling. The former maverick senator, who is in a tight race to keep his seat and has to shine up his GOP bonafieds, is all for the new law. But just a few years back, didn’t he introduce legislation to overhaul immigration? If you recall, the Right was overwhelmingly against allowing them thar ill-legals into the Yoo ESS AE. They got all worked up and red in the face, huffing and puffin with so much overt and covert racism that they pushed a couple million Hispanics right into the arms of some light-skin dude named Barack. But McCain has good reason for his political quick-change:
“..it’s the drivers of cars with illegals in it that are intentionally causing accidents on the freeway. Look, our border is not secured. Our citizens are not safe.”
Johnny boy, as a person who risks their life to drive in Miami every day, I UNDERSTAND how you might wonder if these folks are driving this badly on purpose. Inthe five years I’ve lived here, I’ve witnessed more accidents than all my previous life combined. But Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez aren’t hatching a nefarious plot to put a dent in every new American car. At the risk of sounding like a chauvinist, Latin and Caribbean immigrants are just bad drivers. They haven’t been stealing mom’s car since they were 14. So c’mon man, you need to come up with a better excuse than that if you’re going to flip-flop.

Somebody Needs to Tell…

Roger Goodell to S***t or get off the pot.
Unless your internet connect is under a rock, you’ve heard about Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisburger being accused of sexual assault by a 20-year-old college student, and GA authorities’ subsequent decision to not to charge for lack of evidence. Hey Roj, what’s the hold-up with Big Ben? You’ve said yourself that you don’t actually have to be found guilty of a crime to be in violation of the NFL conduct policy. Now, we understand why you might let Ben slide on the first accusation of sexual assault –oops, I mean rape, that came out. It’s assumed that every self-respecting pro athlete will be targeted by a gold digging SKEEZERat least once in his career. So the first one is free. But it’s the SECOND time. Roj didn’t have a problem pulling out the conduct code on black players, but now that a big-name white dude is on the spot, where’s the swift justice? Koren Robinson got suspended for a year for a DUI that got dropped. Bryant McKinnie lost four games for a tussle in a Miami nightclub, and Pacman Jones was out indefinitely because of strip club shenanigans where he was never charged with anything. We’re just saying, we’re watching you, Roj. There’s a little time left on the clock but people are going to start to wonder (and some already have) if you’re operating under the If you’re white, you’re alright rule.


Just when you think its safe. We guess Raj heard about our post and in an insidious plot Mr. Goodell announced the suspension of Ben Rothlisberger AFTER we posted in an attempt to embarrass US.  Well anyway Commissioner Roger Goodell is letting us know white AIN’T alright (at least this time).  Big Ben has been suspended for 6 games in the upcoming season.  Raj is obviously sending a signal to other players, if I will suspend a two-time Super Bowl winning QB even when he hasn’t been charged guess what I might do to YOU.

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The Cambridge Police union to shut the fuckkkkkkkkkkk up. I’m nearly speechless at the brass balls it took for cam-ma-policethem to demand an apology from THE PRESIDENT. Not even the soldiers who left limbs in Ramallah demanded an apology from George Bush. And Cambridge Po-Po’s drawers are in a knot because Obama called their actions “stupid?” It WAS stupid. And they have a Fox News-inflated sense of their own importance. Shut up and get back to rolling drunken Anthropology majors. 

bow-wow1Bow Wow that it is over. It was recently reported that (Lil’?) Bow Wow tweeted his public, wondering what direction his career should now take. Should he get back with Jermaine Dupri, or hook up with TI and his Grand Hustle Crew? While it’s almost never a bad idea to seek a second opinion (or in this case, HUNDREDS of second opinions), we think Bow Wow overlooked one tiny detail regarding his options: Bruh, ya done. Maybe he didn’t get the text, but it’s looking pretty official for our canine little buddy. His last two albums went double lead. Time to focus on that acting career, son.

The Democrats to get on the ball. The Democrats FINALLY have 60 votes in the Senate, but some “Blue Dog” Democrats (so called because they lean right like Republicans on certain issues) are not being team players. One thing you can say about Republicans is that they stick together. If they had 60 votes in the democrat-donkeySenate, they would steamroll anything the Dems wanted to do. They’d turn into DJ Khaled: “We da best! We run this!” But the Democrats have 60 votes and STILL can’t get the job done. We here at Grownheadz are all for having different opinions in a party, but DAMN y’all. It’s time to take care of business. We’ve got the ball, now take the shot. Baby needs a new pair of mammograms.

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Somebody Need To Tell: Shook Ones Edition

If Mobb Deep were to remix the classic song Shook Ones for today’s politics, we’d see a bedraggled collection of Republican pundits, U.S. senators and PR shills for al Qaeda huddled under the “scared to death and scared to look” banner.

Teflon Don President Barack Obama continues steamrolling halfway crooks with a ground-breaking Supreme Court nominee, a slamming speech to the Muslim world and by making headway on finding placement for Guantanamo Bay detainees.

Yo Quiero a Seat on the Supreme Court

First off, somebody needs to tell Fox (Faux) News commentators, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh and some senators that white ain’t always right.
These guys are shocked, SHOCKED! that SCOTUS nominee Sonia Sotomayor would base judiciary decisions on her own life experiences.  Before we learn empathy and even after we acquire it, we see things from where we’re at, and where we’ve been.  Those with higher-order thinking skills then try to see things from the other guy’s perspective.

To presume that only white men are capable of being dispassionate and objective is foolish, stupid and dare I say it (and I durst), racist.

Super Mohammed

muslim-heros2With Europe now willing to take some Gitmo prisoners off our hands and a former detainee’s interview being published, somebody needs to tell Republican senators (and a few Democrats too) that the prisoners in Guantanamo are neither super villains nor members of the Legion of Doom.

The recent dust-up about housing detainees in the U.S. has folks shook like these guys are Magneto and need special super-powered cells to hold them.  Truth: We’ve got folks waaaaaaaaay worse than this locked up in the U.S. Our serial killers, child rapists and mass murderers make the dudes in Guantanamo look like, well, religious nutjobs, and religious nutjobs generally get their ass handed to them in a shank fight.  What’s worse is that many of these guys bore no ill will toward the U.S. before they got snatched off a Kabul street corner and tossed into Gitmo.  But now?  They’re mad as hell and fiending for a piece of apple pie, American Pie-style.

Recruitment’s Down All Ovah

On a related note, Obama’s Cairo speech set on track his plan to end the “cycle of suspicion and discord” with the Middle East. It was a small gesture of conciliation and respect that moved even many skeptical hearts across the extremist1Muslim world, and put the false mullahs, extremists and opportunists in full frenzy mode.

Al Qaeda is starting to see this skinny brother from Chicago for what he really is: a major threat to recruitment. Well, there’s strength in numbers—maybe they can give their Republican brothers a call.

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Somebody Need to Tell . . . . the Republican Party

“You come at the king, you best not miss.”
—Omar Little “The Wire”

President Barack Obama (I still get a little thrill from typing that) gave a thought-provoking, inspirational address Tuesday night, preparing America for the hard road ahead but reassuring us that we can get by with a little help from our friends in office. Then Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal came in and shat on the sundae.

jindal2Poor Bobby. He’s a Rhodes Scholar with an anti-intellectual base. He’s almost always the brownest guy in the room. And he talks like Gomer Pyle. Bill Clinton couldn’t have followed Obama’s speech, and THIS is the guy the Republicans sent in for a knock-out blow?

It’s not his fault he did so badly. The GOP may have the religious right, but Democrats pulled all the witty kids. Jindal’s one sad attempt at a joke bounced like a brick. He struggled to come across as non-threatening, but overdid it and ended up looking weak. The zingers speechwriters sprinkled in sagged in a mush of contradictions. He chuckled at weird points and his hand chops for emphasis were awkward. Jindal’s failure to connect was palpable.

This is partly because he’s such a contradictory solution for the Republican party. He’s of color, which is good, but thejindal1 only thing worse than being black for rednecks: of Eastern descent. The majority of the Republican base — rednecks who would be Democrats if they had sense enough to vote in their own economic interest — aren’t making all those distinctions. India is next to Pakistan, which is next to Afghanistan, which is damn near I-RACK. Democrats who lean Republican have the same racial issues—it’s why they’re leaning Republican in the first place! So the GOP’s strategy risks losing their own base, and won’t pull anyone across the fence either.

The GOP is grabbing anybody with a tan (except Alan Keyes) to throw in front of a camera right now. But somebody needs to tell them nobody’s falling for it.

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Whoops. We can’t believe that just happened. Now we could just sit here and pretend everything is kosher, but sometimes ya gotta check in the name of love. These celebrities and politicians are looking for answers; somebody just needs to tell ‘em.

Get off the double standard. The media’s treatment of Hillary Clinton was unfair, humiliating and eviscerating. A modest bit of cleavage earned everlasting infamy, mouth-wide-open photos were the only shots papers and blogs ran, and she couldn’t shake the “calculating” label, code for intelligent woman, for nothing in the world. Still, Hillary had an army of feminists facing down the slings and arrows and calling foul on the dirty tactics.

Yet this army is strangely silent at the attacks on Michelle Obama. She’s been called Obama’s “baby mama,” a term completely reserved for poor unwed mothers, Bill O’Reilly made references to LYNCHING her (a historical phenomenon of sexual, physical and psychological torture that even black women are loathe to acknowledge), and she’s been cast in the racist, sexist mold of the angry black woman: unreasonable, implacable and emasculating. Michelle is an educated, intelligent woman who deserves the same considerations foes and feminists would extend to any white woman.


These are exciting times, what with the first presidential campaign by an African American that has the possibility of winning. The fact that he is a son of Africa, was raised by a revolutionary woman and has lived in the third world are more reasons to hail him as the first U.S. president the world can get behind. That’s why what I’m about to ask seems so counterintuitive.

Please, contain your enthusiasm for Barack Obama. Don’t wave signs of welcome if he flies into your country, and don’t talk to any reporters from a station called FOX if they come around asking your opinion. To quote Michael Jackson, The Man is “very, very devilish,” and looking for any way he can to destroy Obama, including using the support of the brown and Muslim world against him. Don’t give them that extra (stupid) ammunition. Save you enthusiasm for the inauguration. I hope he gets the dancers from Coming to America.

Along the same lines, somebody needs to tell Barack Obama NOT to go to Iraq, Egypt or anywhere overseas for that matter. If you go over there, all the love that the world has for your possible presidency will scare the HELL out of white folks, and you’re going to need a few of their votes to win. We can hear it now: “If they like him this much, he must be a secret Muslim!” (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) JUST DON”T DO IT!


Finally, somebody needs to serve notice on all black rappers and athletes: It’s time to pony up the cash.  If you own the same car in ten colors and rock the equivalent of a nice piece of real estate around your neck, put your money on something that will benefit all of us and help buy some history. It’s the general election and Barack Obama needs $2300 dollars (the max) from you. We know you’re good for it! Some of y’all spend that much on liquor and lap dances at the club. It’s simple enough to hit these folks up on MySpace or on the street and just ask, “You get Barack his money yet?”

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You know them, we love them. But like Michael might not be messing with them kids if someone gave him a smack early on, these celebrities, musicians and politicians should be set on the right track. Somebody just needs to tell ‘em.

Alicia Keys tells Blender magazine: “ ‘Gangsta rap’ was a ploy to convince black people to kill each other. ‘Gangsta rap’ didn’t exist.” The Grammy-winning singer-songwriter also said that the East Coast vs. West Coast beef was fueled “by the government and the media, to stop another great black leader from existing.”

Somebody need to tell Alicia Keys to stop running off at the mouth to the Evil Media. Doesn’t she know she’s jeopardizing her “Spook Who Sat by the Door” status? Now she’s gone and blown her cover, and ain’t no good to the Brotherhood. Leelee, we love you, and even though we agree with your sentiments, that’s knowledge better kept in-house, at least until we launch our strike.

Hillary got her heart broken at a Pittsburgh appearance where she tried to bash Obama’s comments that small-town folks were “bitter” about lost jobs and clung to guns, religion and racism for comfort. “That’s not the experience I’ve had… Americans need a president who stands up for them, not talks down to them.”

Seriously, HRC is running through her Clinton good will cred faster than the U.S. after 9-11. Bill’s ghetto pass has been overdrawn for months. Somebody needs to tell her that when your opponent speaks from the heart and makes a true point, no matter how painful, you need to do the same. Otherwise, you just look weak, petty, and well, like this: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/24109989#24109989. She needs to step up her game, stop focusing on the back-and-forth with Barack, and start talking about what she wants to accomplish. Otherwise, she’s just sinking her ship along with his. 

Speaking of ghetto passes, what’s up with Robert Johnson? Mr. Johnson, founder of BET, doesn’t just have a regular ghetto pass, his is platinum (I think that gets you free chicken), but somebody needs to tell him passes are a privilege not a right. 

Speaking to the Charlotte Observer, Johnson remarked on the comments made by Clinton surrogate Geraldine Ferraro about Barack getting the hook up because he is black. “What I believe Geraldine Ferraro meant is that if you take a freshman senator from Illinois called Jerry Smith and he says ‘I’m going to run for president,’ would he start off with 90 percent of the black vote?” Johnson said. “And the answer is, probably not.” 

Say whaaaaat? Johnson, a Clinton supporter, ought to remember that it was a newish senator named Hillary that had most of the black vote locked up initially — solely by dint of her own famous last name. It wasn’t till Obama won Iowa that black folks actually started to believe that the skinny kid with the funny name could do it; in fact, early on many African Americans were mispronouncing the brother’s name left and right (Brack Uhbama, Burick Oama). Watch it, Bob. We appreciate BET (well, we used to) but you don’t want to be like Bill, finding out the hard way that what you did for us yesterday doesn’t mean you can do or say anything you want today. TV One, anyone?

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