Why Flavor Flav Dates Better Than You
I do a lot of dating workshops, and whenever I ask the question “Do you date better than Flavor Flav?” the audience responds with a resounding YES.
I ask attendees what the Flavor of Love show was about and I get answers like entertainment, silliness, a guy who wants to sleep with a lot of women. Nobody recognizes it as a televised display of Flavor Flav’s dating process. Since Flavor of Love’s debut in 2006, Rock of Love, I Love New York, Real Chance of Love, For the Love of Ray J, Frank the Entertainer, A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila, and A Double Shot of Love with a couple of twins have all debuted on TV. But it was Hip Hop’s famous hypeman who started it all.
So I use this show which nobody seems to respect to illustrate the importance of dating history. What I mean by dating history is the cumulative dating experiences of a person which shape their views and influence their actions, and result in their present relationship status. Most people do not realize the importance of dating history enough to consider it in their own dating process. If dating is the personal vetting process to find a life partner, then there are a few things most single people can learn from Flavor of Love.
The importance of learning a prospect’s dating history
The main reason I like using Flavor Flav as an example of understanding dating is because everyone feels that they’re smarter and date better than him. But Flav was actually doing what parents used to request of their children. Dating is the first phase of family building. That purpose has never changed, and the more you respect it, the smoother your dating process will be. The problem is, the games people have been playing on each other over the years have watered down everyone’s dating processes.
In the dating game, there are two reality shows going on simultaneously. The FOL girls were on Flavor’s reality show, but he wasn’t on theirs. The girls should have asked to meet Flavor’s exes. Remember, you’re the producer of your own Flavor of Love. Here are some tips on how to efficiently learn the dating history of the person you are dating.
Get the low down on their past acquaintances.
Flavor Flav always met the exes. Some people feel this is an unimportant or irrelevant activity. To these people I say, imagine if your date told you his ex-girlfriend was a crazy freak who didn’t understand him–and his name was Chris Brown.
When Flavor Flav met the ex-boyfriends of the girls on his show, he found that a few of them had cheated in the past or were still dating their boyfriends! Good to know, right?
Sometimes talking directly to the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend is not possible. An alternative to speaking to the ex directly is simply keeping in mind that, whatever the potential date tells you about their past relationships, there are two sides to every story. So listen out for supporting information from their family and friends about their past dates.
Meet the parents.
Flavor Flav always made it a point to meet the parents of his contestants. This is even more important than introducing your date to your family. When you meet the family of the person you are dating, you can see how they talk to each other, their attitudes toward church or finances, learn if they have unhealthy eating habits or are right-wing gun nuts. Meeting the family also gives you a better idea of the environment they come from, and what you may be in store for if things get serious. Your date’s family may not ever become your family, but isn’t it better to be prepared, just in case?
Run your mouth and use your ears.
Talk about as many subjects as you can to learn the moral values and characteristics of your date. My book 20 Soul Questions explores a range of topics that reveal where a person is coming from. Also, take heed to what they say. Many people talk themselves out of believing evidence that a date is not a good match for them. These folks cannot turn around and be angry later, for instance, when a self-confessed dog has trouble committing. They said so up front!
Most people think they can change the person they are dating because they are different. But if you don’t know what you are changing them from, you won’t know the risks or their potential reaction.
Get a second opinion.
Flavor Flav introduced his dates to his family and friends. This is something a majority of people don’t do until they are in relationships. For those of us who don’t think it’s an important early step, there are two reasons I disagree with you.
B) If you conceive a child with the date, then they will all be family anyway. This is important for couples who are sexually active to understand, because birth control methods can fail and an unexpected pregnancy can link you for life. With a child in the picture, a good relationship between the date and the family can make everyone’s lives much easier.
Overall, if you realize the importance of learning your date’s dating history, you will pick up on more clues about what a potential relationship with them will be like.
TO BE CONTINUED
Jeff Carroll aka Yo Jeff is THE hip hop dating coach. Jeff is dedicated to stopping the games in dating. Yo Jeff gives advice on how to avoid playas and gold diggers and strategies for successful dating. Reach him at email@example.com