We all know the routine. You’re in a conversation, with somebody about some topic and they might say something like “Come on what REALLY happened” and all of sudden you break into you’re worst Jack Nichloson impersanation and say “YOU can’t handle the truth!”. Oh I’m the only one?  And who amongst us has not found some way to break into a Scarface imppression and exclaim “Say hello to my little friend. But you get the deal. Well ANYway we present to you the the movie lines that every black person knows.

You know you done f**** up right?

“You been bamboozled…”

“Till you do right by me…” (6:20 mark)

“Sexual Chocolate!”

“Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth”

Recently here at Grownheadz HQ, we have been taking a look back at one of the greatest TV shows ever made. Which one, you say?  Wait for it…wait for it…The Wire. 

While we’re hardcore, boxset owning fans of the crime drama that ran on HBO from 2002 to 2008 and chronicled much more than crime in Baltimore, we wanted to see how it has held up over time. And while our love for the Barksdales, Bunk and Bunny Colvin is unabated, upon review we have found some chinks in The Wire’s armor.  The writers got a whole lot right, but here are a couple of holes that sure could have used filling.

Weak Female Characters
The Wire had some women we loved, like Det. Kima Griggs (Sonja Sohn), Avon’s sister Brianna, and a character we totally forgot about until we watched Season 5 again, Council President Nerese Campbell.  There were also some women we loved to hate, like Webay’s wifey and momma to Namond, De’Londa.

These were strong characters, but they weren’t given much nuance or backstory.  We got all sorts details about the male characters’ off-duty lives and their private motivations or demons, but the very few female characters got short shrift. We did see some of Kima’s home life at the start of the series, but from Season 3 onward, she was strictly in the background.  Watching the last three seasons, you could almost forget that, at least initially, she had been a major player and Daniel’s No. 2.

McNulty: Good Cop, Bad Attitude
We all know a Jimmy McNulty—or maybe not. This self-destructive drunk and womanizer’s only redeeming quality was the fact that he was “reeeal po-lice.” Smart yet stupid, he put the case (every case) above his personal and professional life in an admirable show of determination. Right?  Wellll, a closer review reveals less than admirable qualities.

Throughout the series, characters regularly compromised, picked their battles, made deals with the devil or whatever you want to call it in order to achieve their greater goals, but McNulty was Above All That.  If you weren’t willing to go all in and piss off your superiors and sacrifice your career for the case, you were a sellout.  You weren’t trying hard enough.  McNulty was a wrecking ball to his own life and everyone’s lives around him, and a few solved cases and smart one-liners can’t fix that.

Black Bosses and Respect.
Apparently, the show’s white writers never had  an African American supervisor.  We were tripping on how McNulty would come storming into Lt. Daniel’s office (his boss), talking loud and telling him off about the case. 

Heeeeeeelll to the naw. We as a people just don’t operate like that. You can be upset, you can be unhappy, you can have legit grievances on the job, but you better DAMN sure watch your tone of voice.  Daniels had spent years on the force, and probably put up with more than a few holdover racist cops while he was coming up.  At this point in his career he wouldn’t go for any ol’ white boy talking crazy to him, ESPECIALLY one he outranked.  A REAL black boss would squash all that ish real quick.

Wack-Ass Hip Hop
With so much drama in the hood, The Wire had immediate hip hop credibility. Iconic characters like Omar and Snoop seeped into our consciousness, and the show got shout-outs on a few albums. There should’ve been more: Wire-themed mixtapes, soundtracks with all-star casts… There was that much love.  So why did the show’s hip hop suck so badly?

Seriously, we haven’t heard such sub-par hip hop since mid-80s cop action movies. Given the different incarnations of the theme song, it’s obvious that the writers and producers had a handle on the Alt-Blues-Rock connection, but they definitely could have benefited from a rap consultant.

Too Few Happy Endings
We really appreciate all the realism on the show and the “life ain’t fair” ethos that it portrayed.  But come on guys, it’s still a TV show. Can we get some Hollywood endings, pleeeease? In five seasons, viewers only get two: Namond getting into Bunny Colvin’s place, and Bubs getting off heroin. Lester getting the young ex-stripper as his girl wasn’t bad either. 

But when you weigh that against all the people who died (Bodie, Omar, Wallace, Stringer, numerous others), had sad endings (Dukie on drugs, Randy in a group home, Gus getting demoted to the copy desk), or didn’t get what they deserved (The Greeks, Marlo, Clay Davis’s rotten azz, Rawls), it just didn’t equal out. The Wire was entertaining, but they sure knew how to bring a guy or girl down.

Hot 5 Rappers Who Could Be Supervillains
Previously on GrownHeadz, we discussed rappers who sound like superheroes. But you can’t have a good hero without a nemesis undermining their every move. These five rappers sound like the bad guys knocking off banks and vaguely plotting to rule the world.

The Luniz
Every supervillain has to have minions, a group of not-too-bright but criminally inclined guys to do his bidding and laugh in unison at his jokes. That’s who the Luniz sound like. Crazy enough to ride, but too crazy to mastermind the plan. We kinda figured they would work for the Joker or maybe the Riddler.

don't sleep, this necklace will cut ya

Rah Digga
With “raw” as your name, it doesn’t sound like you’d be a happy-go-lucky type. More like someone with a wicked grudge whose weapon of choice would be a rusty meat hook. 

The Gravediggaz
With a name like this, what else could they be? Well, we guess they COULD be a group of professional, respected gravediggers (no grave too deep and free estimates), but realistically (yes, realistically!) they’d probably gut you and take your gold teeth.

Jeru the Damaja
For some reason, we’re envisioning a larger-than-life 1960’s style supervillain with hammers for hands, fighting Spiderman and wrecking NYC in the process. Yelling things like “Jeru Smash!!!” and making purple spandex look hardcore again.

Double XX Posse

You know what time it is!

They climbin’ through your window/ snatchin your people up/ hide your kids/hide your wife/hide your kids/hide your wife/ and hide your husband…. You get the picture.

Honorable Mentions:
Mistidious Misfits – Not really bad, just mischievous, sorta like the blonde hightop kids in Meteor Man.
Lootpack – Their name says it all. Keep your wallet in your front pocket.
GangStarr – They run the gangs in Gotham.

Hot 5: Rappers Who Sound Like Superheroes
One of the best things about getting into the rap game is picking a name. Only rappers, Muslim converts and people going into Witness Protection get to choose the name the world will know them by, and the name an artist chooses says a lot about them. Trugoy, we can only assume, loves yogurt. But some artists we think have a secret fantasy of going back to their old stomping grounds, this time in a mask and tights, and taking back the streets they had to run down last time. Word to Spiderman.

Black Thought (telekinesis, mind reading)
Now, depending on your perspective, Black Thought can be either a

I know what evil lurks in the hearts of men.

good guy or a bad guy. If you’re part of the community, you might figure black thoughts are probably a good thing.  If you’re from a different community you might say “Look, Black Thought–RUN!!” Since we reside in the ‘hood (or close to it), bring him on. 


Stetsasonic (techie crew)

we DID get the group discount on the outfits

Most definitely a super group of gadgeted-up, secret weapon carrying, GI Joe-like soldiers each with their own specialty, ready to bring supersonic justice to that black azz.


Fearless Four (super strength, super speed, flying, etc all those traditional super powers)

Pay no mind to our sexy leather we will protect you

It’s kinda obvious, but they have an old-old school-sounding name for crime fighters, like they were formed way back in the forties or fifties.


Positive K (the power of positive thinking)
Positive K? Yeah, ya man Pos K. We figure him to be one of those happy go lucky super heros who were created by Sesame Street or Electric Company. You know, running around telling kids to play fair and saying no to drugs. All good things to tell the children, mind you. But he ain’t the hero to call when it’s really going down.


Newcleus (space-age powers and abilities)
Jam On It was THE jam back in the day. They were on some kinda P-Funk thing with the voices and coming from outer space deal.  But with a name like Newcleus, they COULD have been some atomic powered super team that fought the big stuff like Godzilla or King Kong with their nuclear powers.

Honorable Mentions:  Just-Ice (you know justice), Supernatural (kinda obvious), Super Lover Cee (for the true headz that remember “Doin the James”)

Grownheads can be behind the curve on Facebook, great for finding old friends–or getting you fired. Be safe and skip these 5 Huge Mistakes.

Since most grownheadz grew up at a time when Skypagers were cutting edge technology, we can have a bit of a learning curve for newer ways of communication, or even be a little late to the game. (If you’re wondering why SexyAzz24456 hasn’t been in the AOL chatroom for a while, I’m talking to you.)

This can sometimes make us act like we have no sense when we get on something new. Enter Facebook, a great tool for staying in touch, rife with pitfalls for the newly initiated. Here are the biggest little mistakes to make on Facebook that can ruin your love life, career, or even your identity. 

1.    Not checking your privacy settings. Realize the default settings for Facebook is that everyone can see everything. Do a quick test for me, sign out of Facebook (I know – the horror). Now go to your page. If your profile page is the same as if you hadn’t signed out, then your page comes up on searches and whatever you have put on your page can be seen by everyone, including future employers, friends and family

Why yes we ARE facebook friends

2.    Post when you are going on vacation. Why would you do this? There are people you wouldn’t even tell you are running down to get the paper, much less rolling out to the Tom Joyner Cruise for a week. Why would you post it on your wall? It’s the same as spray painting on your door, “Please steal everything.” When you return home and your flat screen is gone, you can only blame yourself. Just post the photos and talk about it when you get back.

3.    Friend your entire family, their friends and their friends’ friends. Just because you know someone does not mean they are a friend. You may consider Facebook friends different, and that’s cool, but realize that letting the assistant Deacon at your church know that you’re going to get high tonight may bring unintended consequences, including him dropping by without putting anything on it.

4.    Don’t make up stuff for your personal information. First off, it’s lying, and secondly you don’t know what might come back and bite you in the butt. I have a friend that says she’s married in her info– but not to the man she’s actually married to (Facebook married???). In North Carolina, your side chick or dude can be sued for breaking up a happy home, and a Facebook declaration with something like that is all the lawyers need. “It’s Complicated” is there for a reason.

 
5.    Post Anything About Your Job Conflicts. Yes, you can and will get fired. The lines between personal and professional are blurring faster and faster. Many companies now have additional regulations in regards to social media sites, and they actively monitor sites like Facebook. If you are posting something  illegal or disparaging about the gig, they will find you and fire you. On the bright side though, at least you’ll have more time to play Farmville.

Grumpy Smurf, aka Tobias Wright, is Director of digital strategy for Simply Good Media , home of See Jack Shop. You can find read more of his thoughts on technology at his personal site, tobias wright dot com.

Top 5 Rappers Who Don’t Really Count As Rappers

You know that summer job parking cars downtown that on your resume magically became an internship at the Mayor’s office? Or that “fine dining management” experience you got at Taco Bell? It’s not technically lying on your resume, it’s just stretching the truth like Laffy Taffy. Well, at some point these people below all went into the studio, blessed the mic, and came out with Top 20 hits. Despite that, most heads don’t even consider them when listing even the most rudimentary emcees. We present to you the Top 5 entertainers who can put “rapper” on their resumes, but that might be, you know, stretching the truth just a bit.

5. Sean “Puffy” (he’s come full-circle, ya know) Combs
Major mogul, yes. CEO, right-O. Tastemaker, check. Rapper. Rapper? Um, about thaaat… Now, there are several bonafide hits—even classics—out there that Puffy raps on, like All About The Benjamins or Dolly My Baby. He has recorded three rap albums. But Puffy always seemed like he got into rappin because it was something to do. Honestly, I always thought Puff started rapping and dancing in videos to get more girls, because even when the artist is getting pimped, the executive producer just doesn’t get the same level of groupie love. Imagine, women were pushing past him to get to Craig Mack! You know a brother had to rectify that situation. Besides, Puffy said it best himself: “Don’t ask if I write rhymes. I write checks.”

4. That Guy from Snap
I Got the Power was hitting hard in 1990. Black stations, white stations, BET and MTV—everybody was rocking that song, except me. As a young Hampton University (HU ’92 Go Pirates!!!) hip-hop snob in 1990, I refused to play it at parties, opting instead for the OTHER I Got The Power, by Chill Rob G.* He wrote the original song that Snap bit, stole, swiped and made into a hit, but I digress. Does anybody really remember Turbo B. from Snap? Did any of y’all know all the words to his rap? Do you miss him? Rumor has it Turbo was the cousin of the producer, but he left and they got somebody else, then HE LEFT and they found somebody else. Sad thing is nobody noticed or cared.

*Editor’s note: Gawd, you’re still whipping Chill Rob G’s dead horse? He’s made peace with that. You should too. No more blood on the dance-floor of life! –Resident Alien

3. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
Mr. Mark Wahlburg has to his credit The Happening, The Departed and, a favorite around here at GH Headquarters, The Italian Job. But mysteriously missing from that list is “Can’t Stop the Funky Bunch.” Everybody has mercifully forgotten that Wahlburg got his showbiz start as a rapper. He was nice on paper: he could stay on beat, was one of a very small handful of white rappers in ’91, and even had some street cred, coming from Boston (that last bastion of ‘hood whiteboys), but only MTV took him seriously. Even Mr. Wahlburg is trying to forget. A few years ago he and Eminem appeared on TRL together, and Marky Mark looked ready to choke out Marshall when Em jokingly referred to his former group. Now, it could have been a case of Funky Bunch love, like Don’t put my crew’s name in your mouth, dude. Or it could be now that he’s an ahc-tor, he no longer feels the “Good Vibrations.” (But his remake was the first time I heard that Lou Reed song.)

2. Freedom Williams / C+C Music Factory
Don’t act like you don’t know. No, not Blackbox, the group that did that OTHER “Everybody” song, C&C Music Factory, fool. Back in ’93 when they hit with Everybody Dance Now and Gonna Make You Sweat, they were all over the radio and in the club. For countless interviews, Freedom (the perpetually shirtless light-skinned brother) was represented as the rapper in the group. Yeah, he rapped, but we all know he damn sure wasn’t a rapper. I always thought of him as just a mainstream-friendly pretty boy the studio picked out, so I was shocked to learn that Freedom really considered himself a serious rapper. Around 1993 a colleague of mine, VA-radio legend Chester Benton, put on a showcase in Portsmouth (home of Missy Elliot and Timbaland). One of the acts to audition was a then-unknown Freedom Williams. He didn’t make the cut, but it hints that the cat actually put in work, paid his dues and spent years practicing. HE STILL SUCKED. What’s funny is supposedly one of the reasons he left C&C Music Factory was because he felt he wasn’t getting the credit he deserved for the group’s success (kind of an Eddie Kane Jr. reaction). To prove his skills to the world, Freedom dropped his solo project. And it dropped, and it dropped, and it kept on dropping. It may have been the worst-selling solo debut of all time. Guess he showed them.

1. Ya Kid K / Technotronic
Pump up the Jam! Pump it up, while your feet are stomping! And the jam is pumping!
You know the line, don’t front. Technotronic’s esteemed “lyricist” was an androgynous, decently monikered rapper named Ya Kid K. I remember heated discussions on whether he was a she or she was a he. Ya Kid K had one of those weird, low-pitched female or high-pitched male voices. Anyway, these British invaders (you knew they were from England) had some other minor hit and K even flopped a solo joint. K had to marvel at her countrywoman Moni Love, who remained a following even without a hit solo. On the other hand, hip-hoppers largely ignored K after Pump Up the Jam. Why did hip-hop reject her contribution? Was it believed that she purposely kept her gender under raps in order to reach traditional male rappers’ sales numbers? Or did heads simply recognize that, in the Book of Hip-Hop, her name need not be recorded?

We noticed a trend on this list (maybe you took note also): it seems like most of the offending “rappers” appeared on dance or club hits, instead of actual hip-hop songs. While this seems a little unfair (like exactly what do we expect from a club/dance song), they did take the job. If I become the quarterback for a mini-minor league football team called the EastSide Po’Boys and I suck, I can’t use the excuse, “Well its only a mini-minor little league football team.” Like Coach always said, You take the job, you do it right.

A while back, we talked about one-hit wonders who drank their own Kool-Aid and released greatest hits albums, i.e. Tag Team, whose CD sadly features both House and Spanish remixes of Whoomp! There It Is.
Well, on the other end of the spectrum, there are a few artists who really could help out DJ’s and fans by putting all their chart-topping street anthems in one place.
Even though we’ve gone hard on a couple of them in Grownheadz Convos (Crying? There’s no crying in GrownHeadz Convos!), they’ve all consistently packed dancefloors and we give props where they’re due. In honor of Halloween, here are 13 tracks from each artist that can get the party poppin.

Ludacris

Tell me who's your barber, how's he cut so good?! (topsocialite.com)

Since he first dropped in 2000 (yeah, you’re old), Chris Luva Luva has had at least 1 hit per album. Hell, even his cameos blow up spots. We think a greatest hits might go a little something like this:

Your Fantasy
Ho
Roll Out
Pimpin All over the World
Number One Spot
Stand Up
Move Bitch
Get Back
Area Code
Splash Waterfalls
Runaway
How Low Can You Go
My Chick Bad

TI

Did he wear the same suit to court as to the premiere of Takers? Tacky, man. (blogs.bet.com, askmen.com)

Since he’s fresh outta jail and might be gettin ready to go back, TI should consider dropping a greatest hits just to give him some time to catch his breath. Speaking on catching your breath, hey Tip, you ‘spose to be a grown man and all, isn’t it time to take it up a notch?

Do like all the rest of us grown-up, got-a-job-but-still-smoke folks out there and do that ish in ya house, homie. Wasting time, literally. Anyways:

24′s
ASAP
Be Easy
Big Things Poppin’ (Do It)
Bring Em Out
Motivation
Rubber Band Man
Top Back
U Don’t Know Me
What You Know
Whatever You Like
Live Your Life
Swagga Like us

Jay Z (*Update: Greatest Hits Coming Nov. 23)

Jigga goes for the Twofer look when he's not onstage (accesshollywood.com)

We know, ol’ Hov doesn’t get much love in the house of Grownheadz (Hip Hop Purist is just mean). Nonetheless, Pop Carter certainly gets his numbers. There’s even a greatest hits import, but no U.S. release. When and if it ever happens, these are a few songs that COULD be included:

Dead Presidents
Dirt Off Your Shoulder
Hardknock Life
I Just Wanna Love You
Izzo
Aint No Nigga
Big Pimpin
Brooklyns Finest
Can I Get
22 Twos
99 Problems
PSA
Empire State of Mind
On to the Next One
In all actuality, Jay could make a filler-free double disc and nobody’d be mad about it.

Missy Elliot

Worst Secret Santa ever. (polaroidsofandroids.com)

Where the hell is Missy at? Maybe she just doesn’t need the money. Between hits for herself and others the Misdemeanor should be clocking MAJOR royalty checks each month. Missy is another who released a greatest hits overseas, but like most Americans, until it happens over here it doesn’t count to us.

The Rain
Hit Em With The Hee
Sock It To Me
Hot Boyz
All In My Grill
She’s A Bitch
One Minute Man
Get Ur Freak On
Gossip Folks
Work It
Pxxxy Cat
Pass The Dutch
Lose Control

Lil Wayne
Hard time is hard for anybody. But it must be HELLA hard when you’re used to a life of haze, head and 24-7 hijinks. I mean, sure Baby ‘nem got him the hooked up commissary, conjugals, and protection (plus, he’s ugly enough that nobody wants the booty), but it’s gotta be damn depressing.

It's a lil sad to realize this is the normalest he can look. (bvnewswire.com)

If Weezy ever decided to make a greatest hits, it would be like those Time Life 10-disc sets. Hip hop’s Golden Child probably has more songs, cameos and mixtapes than anyone else in the game. Plus he can fart on beat and go plat. Which is not necessarily good for the culture, but awful entertaining regardless.

Drop It Like It’s Hot
Fireman
Go DJ
Got Money
Hustler Musik
Lollipop
Milli
Neck of the Woods
Shooter
Shine
Stuntin’ Like My Daddy
Tha Block Is Hot
Mrs. Officer

5 Rappers Who Need the Other Guy

5. Pete Rock and CL Smooth
T.R.O.Y. will forever be in the pantheon of hip hop classics, and Mecca and the Soul Brother had more than a few hot singles. When they broke up, to no one’s surprise Pete Rock kept right on producing (das efx, Rakim, Ghostface Killer, etc.). And what of CL? He kinda just disappeared. He spit a little here and there but after he and Pete Rock broke up in 1994, he didn’t release a solo project till 2006. Maybe he was disenchanted with the music biz, or wanted to focus on his family, and maybe he was just searching for the perfect beat. Whatever. CL might want to work out the his differences with Mr. Rock and get back in the studio.

4. Phife needs Q-Tip
A Tribe Called Quest were the hotness when they were hittin. The Low End Theory is a BONIFIED hip-hop classic and Midnight Maurauders got so much play, DJ A-See waited 10 years to put it back in rotation. You all know how the story goes–they broke up. Q-Tip took that summer by storm with Vivrant Thang and Breathe & Stop. So we, YOU, everybody waited for the five foot assassin to drop his project. It dropped, and just kept going down. No fire, no sizzle, no nuthin. Yes, the Abstract was considered the dominant rapper, but Phife was no slouch. He and Tip had that ever-elusive thing called chemistry, but for Phife, it takes two to get a crowd reaction.

3. Parish needs Eric Sermon
Back when EPMD was at its height, Eric was dope but you would wait for Parish’s verse. No question, he had the hotter lines. When Eric and Parish closed up shop and released their respective solo projects, conventional wisdom was that Parrish would do OK but Eric might be in trouble. But Eric flipped the script. His single Boomdigi wasn’t too bad, got some play. And Parish? Suuuuuuuuucked. No, REALLY suuuuuuucked. K-Rocka (of Grownhead Convo fame) and DJ A-See were shocked, shocked I tell you, at the utter wackness of the album. Resident Alien exchanged the tape, thinking it had to be defective. It was like the Green Eyed Bandit got some evil sorcerer to steal his former partner’s emcee skills. It was one of the worst solo debuts by an established artist EVER. And that’s counting John and Yoko. The funny thing is, when EPMD got back together, Parish was back to his normal dope self. What happened? We don’t know either, but P better neva let E go. And he also probly shouldn’t eat spaghetti at his house either.

2. Prince Po needs Pharaoh Monch
Resident Alien says Prince Po was the better rapper in Organized Konfusion: better concepts, better wordplay, better flow, betta, betta, betta. That may be true, but where’s he at? It’s not always about who’s a better rapper, but a better grinder. Maybe, just maybe, Po needed Monch to push him to get up off his ass and write some rhymes, get a producer, or book some studio time. Maybe it was always Pharaoh getting the name out and puttin in work. Of course this is all conjecture; all we know for sure is Pharaoh is ready to drop his THIRD solo release. And Po? Resident Alien is keeping her fingers crossed.

1. Rakim needs Eric B.
We have alluded to this before. But hell it’s worth repeating; Eric B. might have been the straw that stirred the Rakim hit music cocktail. Not to quote Kelly Clarkson, but since he’s been gone Rakim Allah just ain’t had the same swagger. He still ranks praise as one of the game’s earliest lyrical innovators, but for all his talent he should have done more. Perhaps Rakim needs someone to push him in the studio. Maybe Eric handled all the beat stuff so Ra could focus on the lyrics. We don’t know the formula, but whatever they had worked. Ra, call that man. Eric, put down that sammitch and pick up.

Back before we were grownheads, we respected our elders. Especially the ones we spent time with the most–the ones on TV (latchkey kids, hoooo).

While our parents were out making paper, the Jeffersons, the Evanses and the Cosbys were teaching us valuable lessons about life, love and marriage. They were our surrogate parents, and not to get all weird on you, but some of them could tuck us into bed ANY NIGHT OF THE WEEK, knowhutimsayn?

5. Wanda: We figure Kellita Smith’s character on The Bernie Mac Show was Bernie’s second wife. Homegirl wasn’t technically a mom, but was helping to raise his crackhead sister’s kids while juggling a career as VP of AT&T. And she was keeping it tight.

4. New Aunt Viv: In Season 4-6 of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Daphne Maxwell Reid came in as a tamer, more June Cleaverish mother to the Banks clan. Her light skinned thickness was a totally different look than the previous mom, and some people say the change was when the show jumped the shark. But she looked pretty good doing it.

Aunt Viv, you look different in Season 4...

3. Old Aunt Viv: The original Fresh Prince of Bel Air mom was a tall, dark beauty with a body like whoa. Janet Hubert-Whitten headed the Banks family for Seasons 1-3 with an outspoken personality and legs for days. A few episodes had her donning a dancer’s leotard and performing, and it wasn’t quite clear how Uncle Phil handled all that. She had a career too (damned if I remember what it was), and rocked Afrocentric hair from time to time. I miss her.

2. Willona: Upstairs neighbors never looked that good. Ja’net Dubois played Florida Evans’ contemporary, but unlike Florida, you could tell Willona Woods knew her way around a party. Even in her 50s and 60s, in I’m Gonna Git You Sucka and The Wayans Bros., she was still fine.

Spanking, anyone?

1. Claire Huxtable: The Don Diva of all TV moms, Claire Huxtable was kicking out kids and kicking butt in a courtroom. In another case of ‘How the Hell He Pull That?’ I just couldn’t see Cliff keeping up. The kids knew they could bid for Dad’s sympathy, but when Claire pulled up her eyebrow, even us watching at home straightened up in our seats. She knew how to crack that whip, and we lerrrved it.

Honorable Mention

Ghetto and loving it!

Peg Bundy: Former bad girl turned housewife Peg Bundy worked the redhead thang way better than old girl off That 70′s Show, with a lot cigarette in one hand and a box of bonbons in the other. In spandex pants and a leopard print top, she was sexier than Kelly and smarter than Al, even if she hardly ever got him to “go upstairs.”

January is winding down and we here at GrownHeadz realize that everybody else has already published their lists of hopes, dreams and ‘can’t-wait-for’s for 2010. But missing firsties has never stopped us before.
Our Christmas cards routinely arrive around Martin Luther King Day — we buy afrocentric ones to hedge our bets (they’re going out this weekend, mom, promise). So embracing the spirit of procrastination, we proudly present the last post to welcome in the New Year:

Hip Hop Wishlist for 2010

5. Real Death of Auto-Tune
We remember a time, not so long ago, when a rapper would get his boy from the block who can “sang” to do the hook on his song. Think TJ Swann with the Juice Crew, or the man who took it to the next level, spawning multiple hits and an imitator or two, Nate Dogg. No gimmicks, no hook ups, just one man, one mic and usually, only one note but we aren’t getting into that right now.

With the popularization of Auto-Tune, EVERYBODY is unleashing their inner Al B. Sure (not even close to being a compliment). Enough is enough. We’re not saying we want to see T-Pain’s kids in the poor house or anything, but we’ve been checking our clocks and that trend should be hitting the 15-minute mark any time now.


4. Positive Paradigm Shift
Alright let me get my grownhead, grown up rant on for a second. Can some rapper somewhere please, PUH-leeeze have a huge street/radio hit talking about something positive? Better yet, can two or three artists have big street/radio hits on some non-gangsta, non-clubbin, non-materialistic subject matter?
It doesn’t have to be an anthem, just be something we can really feel. Let it blow big enough that the labels and powers that be run out and try to find more rappers like that. And that the artists have good lawyers.


3. Adult Hip Hop Radio Station
All the kids who used to bump Run-DMC, the Fatboys and Whodini and now have kids of their own, stand up.
Alright, sit your big ass down, but I made my point: Us grownheads are all growed up now and in a prime demographic that advertisers like. Once some smart radio jock figures this out and spins hip hop from 1984 to 1996 exclusively, they will rule the adult urban market in their city.


2. Dope Female MC Catches Fire
We’re not asking for much, just for a female emcee to bust above ground who’s so brolic she’s undeniable. You know, like the first time you heard Em and thought, damn, whiteboy can flow. It’s been a long time since a dope female had a hit.
Back in ’92, there were actually enough female emcees to have their own concert festival. You may recall ‘Sisters In The Name of Rap,’ hosted by Dee Barnes and featuring Yo-yo, Lyte, Latifah, Salt N Pepa, Roxanne Shante, and about 20 other lesser-known rappers. Our own Resident Alien won a copy from Black Beat. But now? They can’t get enough ladies together onstage to give away a Grammy. The culture is suffering from the lack of female perspectives, and young girls need lyrical champions, too.


1. Strong MC from the Freshman Class
B.O.B, Kid Cudi, Asher Roth, Wale, Drake, Jay Electronica. Throughout 2009, this was the shortlist circulating on the interwebs for the Next Big Thing: the few, the proud, the fresh who would carry hip hop into a new age.
Several of the gents, like Asher and Cudi, dropped B- projects; the albums were decent, but their success rested mainly on one hot song. Wale and B.O.B. promise more brilliance than they actually deliver, and half of Drake’s appeal is just from being so out of left field. C’mon, ‘Degrassi Jr. High?’ Only Jay Electronica hits that heart, despite no major release.
We understand that it’s hard to live up to the hype, but when talking about game changers, WE think names like Rakim, Snoop Dog, Big Daddy Kane, Public Enemy. Things weren’t the same once they dropped, and their songs became classics.
The new cats got a few nice songs, but we can’t really picture a 20th anniversary release of “Day and Night.” But I guess we shouldn’t judge too harshly. On the strength of their first releases, we might have misgauged PE, BDP and the Fugees’ skills, too. Keep hope alive.