Love In the Time of Recession
Call me old-fashioned. Call me a chauvinist. But I believe that a gentleman ALWAYS pays on the first date. A recent experience left me wondering if I’m the only one left who feels that way, when I was asked to pick up the second half of a first date with a new guy.
There had been hints. “I don’t date,” he’d told me. But when I asked him if he went out, got something to eat, got drinks in order to get to know people; he’d said he did. He griped about the distance he’d driven to pick me up and go to the pizza parlor, and mentioned something to the effect of “I know I didn’t come all this way just to get something to eat and turn right back around.” We had danced around the topic of finance, more specifically his lack thereof. But when I suggesting after-pizza drinks and he was all for it. So when the check came, I shouldn’t have been surprised to find him looking at me and asking me to pick it up.
Since my first date at age 17, I have NEVER been asked to pick up any part of a first date. Although one of my friends assured me I was a rarity, it was still a breathtaking experience to have. I felt flustered, and nervous, and angry and de-feminized. To be fair, I’ve heard brothas gripe about always being expected to pay for everything. I agree that the cost of dinner, drinks, entertainment and transportation for 2 multiple times a week can get astronomical.
I’m not so stuck up that I can’t date a guy without major bank. I don’t expect guys to be balling out of control, and that’s not my criteria to select a man. Granted, my own financial woes are already depressing enough without having a man who is struggling too, but how can I demand someone who’s financially well-off when I can’t match it?
Still, I won’t apologize for feeling that when a man wants to see a woman for the first time in a romantic setting, it’s part of the tradition for him to pay. Me paying for the drinks killed the entire romance that had been blooming up to that point. Because my No-Dough Romeo and I had been establishing an open and honest friendship, we discussed some elements of the situation.
But I feel that some candor was called for in this situation BEFORE we went out, BEFORE we decided on after-pizza drinks and BEFORE he ordered an Irish car bomb and two Ketel Ones with a splash of tonic. I wouldn’t have thought any less if he had said “I really want to see you and get to know you better, but I’m light on funds this week. Can we go Dutch and I’ll get you next time,” or something to the effect BEFORE we even met up. Homeboy doesn’t feel that people require that much explanation in the early dating stages.
But if we can’t be honest about the basic things that make us who we are, if men are that hostile and feel it’s okay to pull a bait and switch from the expected order of things to prove a point, if you don’t like me enough to treat me—then what’s the point? I say retire from meeting people on romantic terms, and spend your limited resources on a ho on the stroll. At least you’ll get your money’s worth—guaranteed.
