Grownheadz : For adults who love hip-hop

Love In the Time of Recession

Call me old-fashioned. Call me a chauvinist. But I believe that a gentleman ALWAYS pays on the first date. A recent experience left me wondering if I’m the only one left who feels that way, when I was asked to pick up the second half of a first date with a new guy.

There had been hints. “I don’t date,” he’d told me. But when I asked him if he went out, got something to eat, got drinks in order to get to know people; he’d said he did. He griped about the distance he’d driven to pick me up and go to the pizza parlor, and mentioned something to the effect of “I know I didn’t come all this way just to get something to eat and turn right back around.” We had danced around the topic of finance, more specifically his lack thereof. But when I suggesting after-pizza drinks and he was all for it. So when the check came, I shouldn’t have been surprised to find him looking at me and asking me to pick it up.

Since my first date at age 17, I have NEVER been asked to pick up any part of a first date. Although one of my friends assured me I was a rarity, it was still a breathtaking experience to have. I felt flustered, and nervous, and angry and de-feminized. To be fair, I’ve heard brothas gripe about always being expected to pay for everything. I agree that the cost of dinner, drinks, entertainment and transportation for 2 multiple times a week can get astronomical.

I’m not so stuck up that I can’t date a guy without major bank. I don’t expect guys to be balling out of control, and that’s not my criteria to select a man. Granted, my own financial woes are already depressing enough without having a man who is struggling too, but how can I demand someone who’s financially well-off when I can’t match it?

Still, I won’t apologize for feeling that when a man wants to see a woman for the first time in a romantic setting, it’s part of the tradition for him to pay. Me paying for the drinks killed the entire romance that had been blooming up to that point. Because my No-Dough Romeo and I had been establishing an open and honest friendship, we discussed some elements of the situation.

But I feel that some candor was called for in this situation BEFORE we went out, BEFORE we decided on after-pizza drinks and BEFORE he ordered an Irish car bomb and two Ketel Ones with a splash of tonic. I wouldn’t have thought any less if he had said “I really want to see you and get to know you better, but I’m light on funds this week. Can we go Dutch and I’ll get you next time,” or something to the effect BEFORE we even met up. Homeboy doesn’t feel that people require that much explanation in the early dating stages.

But if we can’t be honest about the basic things that make us who we are, if men are that hostile and feel it’s okay to pull a bait and switch from the expected order of things to prove a point, if you don’t like me enough to treat me—then what’s the point? I say retire from meeting people on romantic terms, and spend your limited resources on a ho on the stroll. At least you’ll get your money’s worth—guaranteed.

How to Spot a Schizophrenic Entrepreneur

On the train the other day, a chick complimented me on my hair.
Since I admired hers as well, we struck up a conversation, and it naturally came out that she did hair herself. As a sales/prospecting approach it was perfect—I actually was in the market for someone to do my hair.
The conversation was natural, the needs analysis was organic. If she had a card or flyer with a rate sheet that was in my neighborhood and price range, she’d have just won a new customer. And don’t have a website—I would’ve probably told two friends about her too.
Alas, she didn’t have any of that. In fact, after she asked if I had a need for hair services, she went on to say that she also

· Kept kids

· Designed clothes

· Gave cooking lessons and was a personal chef

Yeah, that’s a lot to lay on someone. I am one of the main proponents of having multiple streams of income, and one way to do that is by having multiple hustles. But laying it out all at once just makes you look schizophrenic. We’ve all gotten business cards from a DJ/Plumber/Actor or some other outlandish and unrelated set of occupations.

How Not to Be A Multiple Personality Disorder Entrepreneur

Separate your branding: If some of your businesses fit under one umbrella, it’s okay to group them. For instance, I do PR and writing as a consultant/freelancer, so I group these endeavors under one website. But my lifestyle brand will need its own, standalone site. Of course, you can include links to your other identities, but don’t let them distract from the main goal of your site. Likewise, don’t be afraid to create multiple business cards for your multiple businesses.

Watch Your Mouth: “I do that. I do that too. Did I tell you I can do that as well?” It doesn’t look ambitious when you’re talking to someone, and this is your response to everything they say. Introduce into conversation the project that is hot right now or that best answers the other person’s needs, and wait to let people know about your other capabilities. Many of my friends have no idea I write for national magazines, because it’s really not relevant unless it comes up in discussion. Once people know and trust you, they’ll be delighted, not suspicious to hear about your other skills and talents.

Jack of All Trades, Master of None: Make sure that your multiple ventures don’t take you in too many different directions. For the train hairdresser/chef/babysitter/designer, I would recommend she rebrand herself as a Concierge—someone who offers multiple services in-home. She’d be perfect for a celebrity seeking an assistant under that title. Without it, to the everyday Jane, she just sounded schizo.

It’s hard to be a doctor AND an Indian Chief. Those paths might require such different skills that you could spread yourself too thin and be no good at either. Try to keep your efforts in the same vein.
I think of myself as an author, coach, consultant, and entrepreneur. They are all related to the sharing and synthesis of information related to being an urban lifestyle expert—which gives me a big enough umbrella to cover all of my ventures.

Bespoke Budget

“Make a list of your income. Make a list of your expenditures. Track your spending. Save a portion of everything you bring in. Spend less than you make. Take your lunch to work. Stop eating out as often.”

I’m sorry, but if I read any more of this dry, white-bread financial advice, I’m going to slit my wrists AND my neck. Pretty gruesome, but you get the idea. If advice like this really resonated with people, there would be an army of brown-bagging cubicle warriors taking public transportation to work every morning—and they’d look just like you and me.

But you and I are still out at the clubs. Still at the liquor store buying top-shelf. Still using our online bank statement as our spending record. Still thinking that the money in the account IS equivalent to our budget. Hey, once it’s gone, it’s gone!

I like my budgets like I like my Pumas and Nikes customized just for me. I can’t be the only person who’s looked at one of those budget worksheets and felt my head start swimming with all the line items I need to account for: Professional dues. Property taxes. Car registration. Replacement tile grout.
I know that we have to take into account those things that don’t occur on a regular basis so we won’t be blindsided. But when you’re trying to make ends meet, association dues can seem so irrelevant and far away that the mere thought can get you to hyperventilating.

From Basic to Magnums

So, to help with your breathing, I’ve created 5 types of budgets that you can use depending on where you are in life. These budgets reflect what’s REALLY good in your life and allow you to focus on where you are. They also help define the next level in your financial life. So one day, you’ll have a line item for Cayman Island tax shelter, and it’ll be all good!

The Bare Bones Budget:
Food. Lights. Gas. Pretty much this is the budget for when you’re in survival mode. I don’t advocate riding dirty, but car insurance and registration don’t make the cut on this
budget. This is the on-your-knuckles version of maintaining. Think ramen noodles and dollar store. Your bills might not be current, but your services are working and not cut off.


The Breathing Room Budget:
You can upgrade from bologna to turkey ham. This budget includes the necessities of life, plus one of two little extras, like a bottle of wine to split if friends drop by with a bucket of chicken. Your bills are caught up, nothing’s past due.

The Cruising Altitude Budget:
This budget is when you can kick off your shoes, if not kick your feet up. You might be able to afford a mini-vacation, someplace domestic. You can do little extras, dinner at a nice restaurant, getting the hair done more often, gifts for more than the kids in your family. This budget is probably where most people without financial problems find themselves.


The Life is Good Budget:
Affluence. This budget is when you truly begin to invest and start adopting a tax strategy. The wine is nicer, the vacations more exotic, the toys are shinier. Let’s call it hood-rich, but this budget is where you’re not hurting for anything.


The Wildin’ Out Budget:
This is the Oprah/Puffy budget. This is where you start having libraries named after you and establishing rec centers in your neighborhood. This is where you have the Gulf Stream and work really IS a four letter word in your vocabulary. Your money duplicates while you dream and your kid’s kids will be trust fund babies.

Who, outside of MBA and CPA types, likes the word budget?

It sounds like being bogged down with a lot of papers and doing all sorts of math and trying to remember if you’re supposed to pay $5 on the 10th or $10 on the 5th.

Many of us say we’ve got it “all in our head.” According to productivity expert David Allen, storing un-acted on information in your head is the cause of our daily stress and strain. Wouldn’t you like to know how much money you’ve got and should have on any given day? If you don’t already have a budget, you’ll love my 5 Minute Budget. All it requires is a calendar, a pencil and five minutes! (more…)

Got A List Checkin It Twice

With 2008 well past the halfway mark, many of us are evaluating where we are in regards to our longer-term goals. As many of you know, this has been a tumultuous and rewarding year for me, in which I left behind a solid but flat job to pursue my joy full-steam. From getting two of my dream cars (a ‘63 Bel Air and a Honda Civic) to my recent move to my dream city (ATL), I’ve used a similar process that gives me a knack for getting what I want. I decided to analyze the steps I’ve taken to reach my goals and use it as my future blueprint. As I look to the next stages of my success, I want to share what’s worked for me in hopes that it can work for you, too.

1. Know what you want: This step usually comes about by defining what we DON’T want. I didn’t want to be tethered to a phone all day in a cubicle, so I knew my ideal job would allow for some interaction with people. Most times, all we have to do is look to what’s currently making us miserable for cues on where we might like to be.

2. Be very clear: I knew I wanted a career that combined my love of writing, interaction, planning, and creativity. When I honed in on public relations as an industry, I went about the business of defining where I saw myself in that business. It’s not enough to know you want to be in finance or law or the music industry. Drill down until you have the exact title and job description of where you want to be. For me, I focused in on being an Account Executive at a small to midsize PR agency–and I’m currently on that path with an internship.

3. Read and Research: I live on the Internet. My library card gets a workout. There are boundless resources for information on ways to obtain your desires. Databases, books, white papers, blogs and websites all exist to provide the answers to your questions without putting foot to pavement. Through specialized research, I amassed knowledge of the roles and responsibilities of the position I wanted, boned up on my interviewing skills and researched potential opportunities. Create a dossier or “go-to book” on your goals, with magazine articles, lists of names and companies, and your notes to have all your goal-getting info in one place.

4. Talk to people who have what you want: In researching my ideal position, I created a network of people who could tell me what in the hell I was trying to do. I found out the duties and going salaries, the differences between corporate and agency work, what employers were looking for. I have unofficial mentors like owners of PR agencies, corporate communications VPs, HR pros, and presidents of organizations. These people give me the inside track on what to say and do and where to look for what I’m going after. My key source for building my network is membership organizations and conferences–where everyone is already geared towards helping other members.

5. Preparation: Ensuring that you’re ready when the right opportunity comes along is more an art than a science. There is never a “big break.” Each little opportunity and piece of information builds on the others until you’ve created a portfolio, a resume, a reputation. Making sure to do well wherever you are gives you the foundation for where you want to go. Even if you hate your job, by doing it well you ensure a good reference. A few small pieces on a blog can demonstrate your writing skills and subject mastery if you want to break into writing for magazines. Sounds like grunt work? You’re catching on! This is also known as paying your dues, and it’s the hardest part of reaching your goals.

6. Prayer/Patience: No matter who you pray to or if you pray, you need to detach from the outcome. After you’ve controlled the controllables, you need to realize that you really can’t control what’s outside of you. After you’ve sent the application, shook the last hand at the interview, made the presentation, it’s out of your hands. Of course there are ways to continue to positively interact with people, but don’t ever tie all your hopes onto one opportunity. Keep moving forward and keep a few irons in the fire, because something even better might come to you.

7. Resilience: Setbacks are inevitable. Obstacles, snafus, and crises are par for the course in reaching your goals. Surround yourself with a team of cheerleaders who will remind you of all the hard work and achievements you tend to forget when things aren’t going your way. If you get a “thanks, but no thanks,” give yourself permission to have a down day where you mourn the loss of the opportunity and indulge in your frustration. But remember, there’s no good story without conflict, and times like these are going to be part of your “nobody gave me nothing for free” success story.

8. Celebrate!: Be thankful for every little win along the way. Share your news with non-haters. Stop for a moment to reflect on what you’ve accomplished and how you got there before moving on to the next step of the process. In our quest to acquire success, it’s rare that we pause to count our blessings as they are right now.

I just finished reading Patti Labelle’s Don’t Block the Blessings.

I’m sure not too many hip-hop heads will pick this one up, but the message I took from it is universal, and can be found in the autobiographies of famous people in all sorts of social arenas. There is, more often than not, a period of struggle before success.

It’s not news, but it’s the stuff that sells records. What made an impression on me is the panoramic view of life. As Miss Patti reflected back on her life right after turning 50, she detailed the lean early years. It stood out that she crisscrossed the nation in an old station wagon, doing the Chitlin Circuit for four years.

Four years? To be broke, hustling gas money and singing in hole-in-the-walls? Doing what you love but having nothing to show for it? I wonder if I could progress towards my dream, do what God planted me here to do, with little encouragement other than applause for four years?

And then, after the breakup of Labelle, Patti had to reinvent herself. She had to open for people as a solo act, when she was used to being the headliner in a group. She had to humble herself and keep looking for a hit, when the critics and fans weren’t forthcoming. And the crazy thing is that we all know Patti can SANG. So how can it be, with a gift as undeniable as hers, that success didn’t come the first time she hit a high note? If she had to work like that, for that long, with that gift — what can we expect?

I’m not saying that everyone needs a hard luck story to make it big. Or that it’s going to take us all years of poverty before we reach the top. Each of us has a different trajectory in our quest for success. But it’s heartening to know that when you look at the big picture of a life — not the three months you were without a job, or the two years you worked days so you could go to school at night — when you take the panoramic view, life looks a lot different.

My mother told (and tells) me, “No one stays unemployed forever.” I’m considering taking an internship so I can get a foot into my chosen career — no one stays an intern forever. Can you humble yourself to be a beginner in the field you’re trying to get into? To take a job that pays less than what you’re used to so you can pursue your calling? Can you reinvent yourself to allow for a lifestyle outside the norm that your friends and family expect you to have?

You may have to, if you want to get your star on the Walk of Fame. As I look at my current period of struggle, I remind myself that these are the days that don’t make it into the book. This is the period I’ll look back on when I “remember when.” Days like these are what I’ll talk about when I speak to kids who want to know how I made it. And make it, we will.

Reaping Rewards

In the previous week, I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of “sowing.” In two unrelated spheres, it’s stood out to me as a concept to examine and embrace.

First, an e-mail quote by Robert Louis Stevenson: “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.” I have a tendency to look at life by what’s NOT being accomplished. The to-do list tasks that pile up, undone. The unreturned e-mails. The contacts to contact that I haven’t contacted. In the missing blanks of a thriving business, a successful relationship, a fat bank account — that’s where I look for proof of what’s going right.

But if I were to start judging my days on the seeds I’ve planted, I would see a fertile plain and a rich crop for the future. There are emails I have sent, applications I’ve put in, people I have connected with, encouragement I’ve given, prayers I’ve prayed. And the result of yesterday’s seeds planted me in the life I lead now — why should it be any different going forward?

The other forum on the seed/planting concept arose from a discussion I had the other day with a young man who is “sowing his wild oats.” To his way of thinking, he wants to experience everything early on, so that by the time he settles down and gets married he won’t be tempted to cheat. On the surface, it’s a great idea, and certainly one answer to the classic “why men cheat” question. But when I thought about it a little deeper, I found it to be naive. Unfortunately, we can’t safeguard against future circumstances.

What if the root of infidelity in a marriage comes not from lack of youthful experience, but from boredom? Or loss of a child, creating distance between partners? Or workaholism, alcoholism, chauvinism? Why not have the seeds we plant today show us how to bond with one another, and seek to find the ultimate experience in one person rather than a multitude under the guise of “sowing wild oats?”

If a seed bears the fruit of the tree, then what can you expect from the seeds you’re sowing?

“A setback is a setup for a comeback.” –Willie Jolley, motivational speaker.

 
Right now, I’m grappling with a setback. I scrapped and scrabbled my way out of Detroit in order to move to Atlanta, and got a two-month sublease in a complex I’ve come to love that’s ending June 1. It was assumed that I would simply get a new lease in June, but we all know the result of making assumptions. So after waiting for my landlady to get the approval for me to rent her unit, she told me she won’t be able to rent it, but she’d be glad to negotiate a price for me to purchase it.

Ummm — not gonna happen. I’m not ready to buy, and even if I were, I don’t know that I would want to buy this unit. The high of moving to Atlanta temporarily retreated in the shadow of possible homelessness.
 
But there are always positives in the midst of trials. These are some of the key concepts that are carrying me through this trial and could possibly assist you during yours.
 
· Each One, Reach One
Fortunately, I had already connected with a classmate who is a realtor and retained her services to prepare me for buying property in Atlanta. Her passion for helping me find someplace to live almost exceeds mine, and she has been the key advocate in my negotiations and research for a spot to move to. The fledgling network I’ve built here has resources that should ensure that I’m not homeless or forced to move back to the D. If I had barricaded myself in a new-city panic attack or kept mum about my situation, I wouldn’t have been able to act so quickly to secure another place.
 
· Let It Go
I have also learned through past adversity to just watch God work. Even if you’re not spiritual, you have to agree that some situations in life have strange ways of working themselves out, without your “help.” When we relinquish control of an outcome, it oftentimes turns out better than we could imagine. The apartment I’m looking at moving into is directly above my current one and in compliance with all of the condo board’s requirements. Had I stayed where I am, I could have been in for a nasty surprise—like finding my stuff out on the curb!
 
· No Shame in My Game
It’s funny how some of your closest people point out the negative when you’re going through some shit. I fail to see how warning me about credit checks, shady landlords and massive security deposits is helpful when I have to move NO MATTER WHAT. If friends voice their fears when you’re at your lowest point, the best thing to do is keep it moving. Keep your own counsel and play things close to the vest. If people really want to help, they will offer support when they recognize what you’re going through. Just don’t feel obliged to soothe them or make their fears your own. Nothing shuts up haters like success.
  
Playing for high stakes will always mean shouldering risk. The bleaker the cliffhanger, the more exhilarating the escape. Stay tuned…         

Quick — do you have any friends who own property? Businesses? Stocks, bonds, money markets? If you’re truly bougie, you can answer yes to all of them. But if you’re the only bougie one in your set, you’ve got a problem.

I won’t even bother quoting the stats on how many more people who are successful hang with other successful people. We all pretty much know that. But think about how hanging with the wrong crowd can pull you down — Mike Vick anyone? And since we’re not in high school anymore, we can’t blame our misdeeds on our friends. Think about how the company you keep enables you to continue to waste time. And how being around people who are on top of their game inspires you to up yours.

I don’t have a TV. Of course I miss my Law and Order: CI and Style Channel (sorry if your eyes glaze over, guys). But I remember how watching one episode turned into 4 episodes — don’t let there be a marathon on. Or how you have to catch up on all the preceding episodes of Top Chef that you missed before you could see the new one. If you have any extra poundage, every time you even THINK about sitting down to flip channels, you need to take a damn walk!

But what’s really interesting is the reaction people have when I tell them I don’t have a TV — it’s like I’ve said I don’t have running water. They swear I need the news, videos, and DIY shows to have a life worth living. But I know that TV is my enemy, one that sucks time and energy from my master plan. What’s your enemy? Blogs? Blunts? Booty (male or female)? Maybe I went a little too far with that last one, but I’m trying to make the point that certain social situations encourage us to stay right where we are.

Do you have friends who cut you off when you call, because they’re too busy to talk? People whose homes you can’t just pop up over and expect a warm welcome and lengthy chat because they are otherwise engaged in something PRODUCTIVE? Don’t take offense, learn from that person. Just maintain the balance to set aside time where you give people 100% of your attention and they’ll love and admire you so much more for it.

The admiration comes when you start making money, acquiring investments and amassing real estate. The love comes when you invite them over to watch a game on your super gigantic big screen!

Pimpin’ IS Easy: 3 Myths Blocking the Success of Your Start-up
From the Stackdough School of Business
 

Welcome to the Stackdough School of Business, where our motto is “Get Rich, or Die Tryin’.” In today’s orientation, we’d like to share with you how Stackdough differs from other schools of thought (like the Hardknock School of Life). We’d like to dispel the following misconceptions many prospective students believe to be true.
 
IT TAKES MONEY TO MAKE MONEY: Not so much. Many of you are waiting for ‘investors’ and ‘capital’ before you launch your venture. Please stop. At Stackdough, we’ve adopted a ‘run before you walk’ philosophy. If you want to design t-shirts, start with one and get a buyer. Either have them pre-pay for it or beg/borrow (no stealing!) the money to produce it. Cost out everything related to producing individual units in order to set a price that furnishes the dough for the next 2 units. Let your customers cover your costs until you have enough to increase your production schedule. If you want to build up 3-6 months of reserves, you might be waiting a minute. Start small, start today.
 
DON’T GET HIGH ON YOUR OWN SUPPLY: You better light it up and pass it! Since your Stackdough business must be legal, we mean this figuratively. Be your best advertisement! If you customize kicks, start for cheap by revamping a pair of your own AF1s that don’t have to be crispy clean to be your walking billboard. If you’re a fashion designer, you should wear your stuff — and only your stuff — until enough people start asking you where you shop. If you write, maintain a (free) blog so you are constantly producing and refining how to write for an audience and meet your self-imposed deadlines. If you don’t believe in your product, why should the world?
 
YOU’RE JUST A WANKSTA, YOU NEED TO STOP FRONTIN: There’s really nothing wrong with frontin’ — in a productive way. Other b-schools will tell you to “act as if.” That’s when you take a wad of ones and cover it with a C-note and a rubber band. Better to have 60 ones underneath a hundred, than 1 one and no hundreds. Maintain a business-like presence and people will take you seriously. Remove words like “tryna” and “bout-ta” from your vocab. Replace “I’m tryna launch this label. I’m bout-ta holla at Russell about my joint” with “I’m a label owner in the process of connecting with artists and larger labels for partnerships.” Get a professional business card on glossy heavy card stock with whatever title you want to give yourself, a Google domain name and hosting, and you’re in business for little of nothing.
 
So, your homework assignment until our next session is to detail how you’re going to remove the myths to success that have stopped you from advancing. Get dem dollars!