Grownheadz : For adults who love hip-hop

Back before we were grownheads, we respected our elders. Especially the ones we spent time with the most–the ones on TV (latchkey kids, hoooo).

While our parents were out making paper, the Jeffersons, the Evanses and the Cosbys were teaching us valuable lessons about life, love and marriage. They were our surrogate parents, and not to get all weird on you, but some of them could tuck us into bed ANY NIGHT OF THE WEEK, knowhutimsayn?

5. Wanda: We figure Kellita Smith’s character on The Bernie Mac Show was Bernie’s second wife. Homegirl wasn’t technically a mom, but was helping to raise his crackhead sister’s kids while juggling a career as VP of AT&T. And she was keeping it tight.

4. New Aunt Viv: In Season 4-6 of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Daphne Maxwell Reid came in as a tamer, more June Cleaverish mother to the Banks clan. Her light skinned thickness was a totally different look than the previous mom, and some people say the change was when the show jumped the shark. But she looked pretty good doing it.

Aunt Viv, you look different in Season 4...

3. Old Aunt Viv: The original Fresh Prince of Bel Air mom was a tall, dark beauty with a body like whoa. Janet Hubert-Whitten headed the Banks family for Seasons 1-3 with an outspoken personality and legs for days. A few episodes had her donning a dancer’s leotard and performing, and it wasn’t quite clear how Uncle Phil handled all that. She had a career too (damned if I remember what it was), and rocked Afrocentric hair from time to time. I miss her.

2. Willona: Upstairs neighbors never looked that good. Ja’net Dubois played Florida Evans’ contemporary, but unlike Florida, you could tell Willona Woods knew her way around a party. Even in her 50s and 60s, in I’m Gonna Git You Sucka and The Wayans Bros., she was still fine.

Spanking, anyone?

1. Claire Huxtable: The Don Diva of all TV moms, Claire Huxtable was kicking out kids and kicking butt in a courtroom. In another case of ‘How the Hell He Pull That?’ I just couldn’t see Cliff keeping up. The kids knew they could bid for Dad’s sympathy, but when Claire pulled up her eyebrow, even us watching at home straightened up in our seats. She knew how to crack that whip, and we lerrrved it.

Honorable Mention

Ghetto and loving it!

Peg Bundy: Former bad girl turned housewife Peg Bundy worked the redhead thang way better than old girl off That 70’s Show, with a lot cigarette in one hand and a box of bonbons in the other. In spandex pants and a leopard print top, she was sexier than Kelly and smarter than Al, even if she hardly ever got him to “go upstairs.”

We love Gabourey Sidibe, Mo’Nique, Paula Patton and others. But we hate the movie “Precious” and its light skin-good, dark skin-bad subtext. GrownHeadz commentator K-Rocka put it best: “It’s just old-school stereotype race casting. People can’t see through this bullsh*t?”

Somebody Need to Tell Tavis Smiley Not to Call Out Rev. Al on the Radio!

Of all the people who should know better than to call out the right Rev. Al Sharpton, Tavis Smiley tops the list.
Rev. Sharpton is more than a civil rights blowhard with decades of impeccably coiffed hair to his name. He’s only one of the world’s most formidable debaters.
Young Tavis has worked up close and personal for ten years on his State of the Black Union meetings with Rev. Al, and he’s seen that when the Rev. gets to ducking, diving and signifying, ain’t nothing holy about it.
So why did Smiley think he could step to Sharpton and call him out, on live radio no less, Tuesday morning on the Tom Joyner Morning Show?

Black leaders, he said, “are singing a new hymn I never heard of, one that says the president no longer needs a black agenda.”
Tavis is fully aware of the connotations of singing, mind you, and all the shuffling and soft shoe imagery attendant with it. He went on to name “Al Sharpton, Ben Jealous, Charles Ogletree, Valerie Jarrett, Marc Morial, Dr. Dorothy Height” as offenders.
Tom could smell the brown storm coming, and having gone through his own incident with Tavis only last year, was steadfastly noncommittal. He maintained his professionalism and waited—he knew he wouldn’t have to wait long.
Rev. Al called in a scant few minutes later in a state of pure pomade fury, and was hardly as subtle as Tavis. He referenced the “Negroes” running around “buck-dancing” for Bill Clinton, blasting Tavis for famously calling Clinton the first black president, and said Tavis had misrepresented and distorted his statements.
Check out Tavis’s Olympic-worthy backpedaling on Al’s Keeping It Real show later.

Tavis: “What I said was, uhhh–”
Al: “Negro, is you crazy?”
(Not a direct quote)

I think Tavis learned his lesson. He may not be able to sit for a few days, but he learned.
My question is, does anybody think Al Sharpton won’t show at Tavis’s not-quite-but-very-similar-to-the-State of the Black Union discussion in March? What do you think?

By Yo Jeff, Hip Hop Dating Coach

Image by Darren Baker

Who said dating isn’t stressful? Hell, many times the stress starts before even meeting the person you will date.

Some women fall victim to thinking if they’re cute enough, one day Prince Charming will see them across the room and violins will play. I know Valentine’s Day is coming up, so these are some tips for real women over 30 whose glass slippers are beginning to pinch.

Steve Harvey’s book ‘Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man’ helps women understand how most men think and react, in order to better attract them. However, the days of ATTRACTING men are numbered.

As a dating coach, I encourage my female clients to actively approach the people they like. Women need to be more aggressive–just looking good doesn’t cut it anymore. Good men have too many options. So women need to learn how to pick men up.

Have an opener. I say opener as opposed to pick-up line, because it takes more than just one line to pick someone up. You just want to start a conversation. Here are 6 good ones to use.

1. Fly the friendly skies. The airport is a great place to meet potentials who probably have jobs and interesting stories. Since every region is known for something, strike up conversation about your destination city. It invites him to share his likes and dislikes with you and flatters him as an expert.
Example: So what’s the best rib joint in downtown Memphis?

2. Help a Brother Out. If he’s juggling packages or falling all over the place, offer to carry a bag or hold a door–but be mindful that people now-a-days can be very guarded.
Example: Promise I’m not a thief, but I couldn’t watch you struggle any longer. Plus, I wanted to prove there are still good people in the world.

3. Got jokes? Humor is always my favorite approach. Even if what you say is corny, give it a sincere try. Political and educational subjects are good, but stay away from cynical negativity.
Example: (In a long line at a grocery store) Why is it faster to get a cooked meal then it is to get the food to make the meal?

4. Pass on some good information. People always appreciate saving money. If you spot a cutie shopping, suggest they check out the store’s website for discounts. Carry a couple of extra business cards from your reliable mechanic, outstanding printer or caring doctor. Then peep out the best situations to pass them along.
Example: I saw you ordering a soy latte. I know a great holistic health counselor you might be interested in.

5. Work it while networking. Business conferences aren’t all about business. In line at the bar or between sessions, get some casual conversation going.
Example: What’s the best (or worst) conference you’ve ever been to?

6. Ask someone what they do. Asking what he does for a living doesn’t have to come off gold digger-ish. Here’s a graceful way to broach the subject that works almost anywhere, from the post office to the roller skating rink.
Example: I need to get out more; this place has changed a lot since the last time I was here. I sit in a office all day looking at a computer. What do you do?

Ladies, I’m a realist: There are no magic slippers in the real world, and life is too short to sit around watching other people take control of their lives while you wait for lightning to strike.
Get out there, and good luck!

Email Jeff at CoachYoJeff@gmail.com.

Jerry Craft Has Issues! Black Comic Strips Do, Too

Black Panther, Luke Cage, Falcon, Black Lightning and Black Goliath are in studio at a talk show taping. Though seated, sweaty faces, fidgeting fingers and shaky knees betray their nervousness. Why? Because they’re appearing on a segment called ‘Confronting the Black Superheroes of My Youth,’ and cartoonist Jerry Craft is cutting them no slack.

He slams them on wack origins (ex-convict), pathetic abilities (faster than a jungle cat!), corny outfits (a helmet with an afro wig on top? really?) and excessive chest exposure, then sums up his real beef: They didn’t have any real powers, so young black kids wouldn’t think, even through their comic books, that they could grow up to wield any power either.

As the flash animation on www.mamasboyz.com says, Jerry Craft has got issues, but he’s working them out with a pen and a pad.
Craft is more well-known for Mama’s Boyz, a family-oriented comic strip that follows the lives of single mom Pauline Porter and her two sons, Yusuf and Tyrell.
In a graphic novel world of compromised heroes and fiends, Mama’s Boyz can look deceptively soft. Characters have semi-colon eyes, sport high-top fades, and the humor is never as caustic or biting as, say, Boondocks.

Jerry Craft says that’s all according to plan. The gentle-voiced 46-year-old, who has two young sons of his own, believes it takes more balls to try to help kids do the right thing than shock jaded Gen Xers.
“Of all of the black strips, Boondocks is definitely more political and hard-hitting and more, uhm, you know, there’s a lot of cursing, and that tends to sell because it’s what’s expected of us,” Craft explained. “Whereas the family-type style of what I do would really take someone bold enough to say let’s see if we can break some ground and have something with a moral connection catch on.”

But the Porters aren’t the Cosbys: sometimes money is tight and Pauline worries about  male role models for her sons. Craft is portraying a family that wasn’t dealt perfect cards, but is functional and successful anyway, and he feels that’s more important than reflecting his own two-parent background.  
“When I was coming up, most of my friends were being raised by a mother or grandmother. I was one of the few of my friends who had both parents living at home,” said the native New Yorker. “Pretty much, the dads were nonexistent, so I wanted to do a comic strip that paid homage to these strong moms who were raising these kids, as bad as me and some of my friends were.”

Jerry’s first book, Mama’s Boyz: As American as Sweet Potato Pie, came out in ‘97. He tried to follow the Fat Albert school of comedy, where there’s a lesson in the humor without beating kids over the head with it.
Craft spoofs Where’s Waldo on the book’s back cover, with Yusuf asking readers, “Can you tell how many people are watching me and my brother Tyrell as we try to shop?” The sketch is filled with undercover officers peeking over counters and around doors. The title? Where’s Security. It’s indicative of Craft’s work: a seven-year-old would just count the number of guards and laugh, but a 12-year-old might start making connections between their own profiling encounters.

(more…)

You know them, you love them. But periodically, these celebrities and politicians need an open-handed smack to the face to get their heads back on track. They’re not completely lost. Somebody just needs to tell ‘em.

Suck it up, T-Man.

Somebody Need to Tell:

The Media

Yes, yes, yes, we get it. Tiger Woods cheated on his wife, and not once, twice or even three times a lady. But who’s REALLY shocked that a man worth so much money draws such cheap women? He don’t love them hoes, but obviously, he likes them a whole lot. Still, enough already.

Tiger Woods

Up ya game, Playa. No pictures. No text messages. And Rule #1, neva neva, neva neva, eva eva leave a phone message that starts off, “This is Tiger.” Palling around Vegas with Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley, you’d think you’d pick up some pointers. They got game; these dudes have been duckin’ out on their wives for years and NEVER got caught out there this bad—hell, Charles was getting head from a hooker while driving drunk, and he didn’t lose any endorsements. Dammit man, you could’ve gotten private pimpin’ lessons from the best. Think of it as a business expense; but it’s too late to write off now.

The State of Connecticut

No mo’ Joe! No mo’ Joe! Lieberman GOTS to go. They tried to send him a message by snubbing him for Connecticut’s Democratic nomination, but he’s not getting it. It’s time to get yourselves together and show Joe the door. This dirty SOB has clearly been bought by insurance companies with the main objective of killing healthcare reform. I say put him out of office and the party so he can officially represent all those insurance companies he’s shilling for right now.

Recently, I got the chance to sit down with Diddy for exactly 10 minutes, and find out a little of what makes Hip Hop’s Greatest Showman tick.

10. Money Ain’t a Thang–For Christmas Entertaining
“A lot of people think a party is about… how much you spend. I think a party is about the outcome, if everybody had a good time. One of my favorite party’s was just 10 people, ten of my closest friends, on an island having a good time, or at my house in New York. Just close the door, turn down the shades, and turn up the music. Just like money can’t buy you love, money can’t buy you a good party. You have to have the other elements.”

9. House Party or Club? Theme Parties or Not?
“House party, definitely. I like themes but honestly, some of the best parties are probably more organic. Just have good people.”

8. Diddy doesn’t like the hard stuff.
“I was always a pina colada, fuzzy navel kind of guy. I don’t like drinks that are too harsh on the palate; I like things that taste good.” He just coined Dirty Money: Ocean Spray White Cran Peach and Ciroc vodka.

7. What’s Driving Diddy in 2010?
“My motivation is to become a better man, have balance in my life. Spend more time with my kids, become a better father, a better son. My motivation has nothing to do with money. Just really trying my best to please God, please my family.”

6. What the Industry Needs to Change
“The industry needs to give new artists more of a chance. Its so hard for them to be heard.”

5. Holiday Fashion Advice
“New Year’s [dressing] is just so hard in general. But you can’t go wrong in a black tuxedo. Me, I’m all or nothing kind of guy. Either put on the tux or stay home and relax with the fam.”

4. The Most Thoughtful Christmas present He’s Received
“A brand-new Bible somebody gave me. It was just a beautiful Bible, and it was something that meant a lot to me.”

3. What’s Hardest About Being Diddy?
“Just the human side of things that sometimes people don’t understand I need to do, as far as like, being with my family and doing regular things.”

2. Old-School Holiday Tradition?
“Collard greens on New Year’s Day.”

1. Why He Can’t Leave the Stage Alone
“Once you’ve seen or felt what it feels like to give joy to maybe 70,000 people in a stadium or 5,000 people in a theater—there’s just, there’s nothing like that. There’s no high like that, there’s no feeling like that in the world.”

Michael Steele’s Monday Itinerary

9 am     Email speech ideas to RNC vetting board

10 am   Research healthcare pitch to NAACP; Disorderlies in Netflix queue

11 am   Line up KFC sponsorship for African-American outreach campaign.

                 Sidenote: Ask for lifetime chicken pass; maybe this will get me back into the family reunions!

12 pm  Check to see if Clarence Thomas confirmed FaceBook request

1 pm    Vetting board replies: nixed opening rap and big finish tap dance, but suggested location change to watermelon patch. Feedback, they’re warming to me!

2 pm    Weekly re-edit of Wikipedia entry while ducking calls from Black Crusaders

 3 pm     Practice “You da man!” to sound more authentic before conference call with Ward, Armstrong and Juan.

4 pm    Call Rico Suave, Macarena guys for possible Latin outreach.

4:30     Cut out early to buy advance tickets for Precious; hope it’s as funny as Norbit!

Not unlike Lamar Odom and Kanye West, Hip-Hop dating coach “Yo! Jeff” Carroll is a vocal supporter of the prenup. But he took it a step farther on his national Stop the GAME! Tour at Maryland’s Salisbury University two weeks ago, when he broke out the “Pre-pre-nup.”

It’s actually not a legal document, but a way to get younger heads, especially young women, to take control of their romantic relationships. He says the idea is to set the terms of your involvement, instead of leaving up to chance important issues like sexual exclusivity. The Pre-pre-nup spells out conditions like “only have sex with me,” and “include me in your activities.”

Before an audience of about 50 undergrad students, Jeff also talked about STDs, rape and heartbreak, but he kept a light touch. “I want [the students] to have an introduction to [proper] dating,” he said, because “this is probably something they didn’t talk to their parents about.”

Carroll passed out his “10 Hip-Hop Dating Codes,” which include rules like no cheating and define the relationship. “The Player Hater List,” Carroll’s tips for avoiding users and fakes, also made the rounds.

Carroll gave his first talk at Kean University in New Jersey and, sensing the need for greater dialogue, expanded his tour from there. Carroll is co-author of “20 Soul Questions” with his wife, Nivia Binett-Carroll. They wrote the book to help initiate deep conversations about important issues between partners.

Email your dating questions to RBGWorld@aol.com, or visit www.rbgworld.com for more information.

At the table:
Yo Jeff, Hip Hop Dating Coach (real grown advice)
Grumpy Smurf, programmer and designer
Resident Alien, editor, contributor and smart-ass
DJ Asee, HNIC

Best moment: Mixed bag, but the highlights were KRS’s Beastie Boyz rhyme, Mary’s performance with Method Man, Oran Juice Jones’ cameo, and the Rick Rubin/Russell Simmons vignettes. I say it was the Scoopy Giles, uncredited Def Jam founder skits by the usually unfunny Tracy Morgan. I was howling. Dude’s best look since 30 Rock’s “Me and my wife like to play Rape!”

Worst Moments: Ricky Ross running outta breath (Zombieland Rule #1: Cardio), Multiple Kid Rock appearances, overly-rockish house band, fly-girl dancers

MIA: Slick Rick, Jay-Z (and the whole Roc crew), Kanye and a slew of others who helped make the Def Jam name. As Yo Jeff put it, “It’s easier to love an artist than it is to love a corporate entity.” In other words, I think Def Jam still owes some checks, and the rappers ain’t forgot.

Biggest shocker of the night: Foxy Brown’s tittays. Real or augmented? RA says augmented, the fellas say real. Of course to the fellas, they’re all real.

A young Fox... and the verdict is?

100% USDA Beef (Photo by Frank Micelotta)

Woulda, Shoulda: Rather than limiting prolific artists like PE to one song apeice, they should have done 5 minute medleys to hit off a couple of hits.

But don’t take my word for it, check it for yourself: