By Yo Jeff the Hip Hop Dating Coach
I do a lot of dating workshops, and whenever I ask the question “Do you date better than Flavor Flav?” the audience responds with a resounding NO.
I ask attendees what the Flavor of Love show was about and I get answers like entertainment, silliness, a guy who wants to sleep with a lot of women.
Nobody recognizes it as a televised display of Flavor Flav’s dating process. Since Flavor of Love‘s debut in 2006, there have been Rock of Love, I Love New York, Real Chance of Love, For the Love of Ray J, Frank the Entertainer, A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila, and A Double Shot of Love with a couple of twins. But it was Hip Hop’s famous hypeman who started it all.
So, I use this show which nobody seems to respect to illustrate a few important criteria most people do not include in their own dating processes.
If the purpose of dating is the personal vetting process to find a life partner, then there are three things most single people can learn from Flavor of Love.
1. Flavor Flav always met the exes.
Some people feel this is an unimportant or irrelevant activity. To these people I say, imagine if your date told you his ex-girlfriend was a crazy freak who didn’t understand him. And his name was Chris Brown.
When Flavor Flav met the ex-boyfriends of the girls on his show, he found that a few of them had cheated in the past or were still dating their boyfriends. Good to know, right?
Sometimes talking directly to the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend is not possible. An alternative to speaking to the ex directly is simply keeping in mind that whatever the potential date tells you about their past relationships is their side of the story. So, listen out for supporting information from their family and friends about the type of person your date is.
2. Flavor Flav introduced his dates to his family and friends.
This is something a majority of people don’t do until they are in relationships. For those of us who don’t think it’s an important early step, there are two reasons I disagree with you.
A) You should see how the person you’re dating behaves toward the permanent people in your life–are they snobbish? Awkward? Flirtatious? It’s best to find out early, and from people who love you.
B) If you conceive a child with the date, then they will all be family anyway. This is important for couples who are sexuality active to understand, because birth control methods can fail and an unexpected pregnancy can join you for life. With a child in the picture, a good relationship between the date and the family can make everyone’s lives much easier.
3. Flavor Flav always made it a point to meet the parents.
This is even more important than introducing your date to your family. When you meet the family of the person you are dating, you can see how they talk to each other, their attitudes toward church or finances, learn if they have unhealthy eating habits or are right-wing gun nuts.
It gives you a better idea of the environment they come from, and what you may be in store for if things get serious. Your date’s family may not ever become your family, but isn’t it better to be prepared, just in case?
The main reason I like using Flavor Flav as an example is because everyone feels that they’re smarter and date better than him. But Flav really isn’t doing anything more than parents used to request of their children.
The problem is the games people have been playing on each other over the years have watered down everyone’s dating processes. The purpose of dating has never changed and the more you respect it as the first phase of family building, the smoother your dating process will be. Remember, you’re the producer of your own Flavor of Love.
Need relationship advice? Email Yo Jeff, the Hip Hop Dating Coach at CoachYoJeff@gmail.com.