IMO: It Takes Balls to be a Boss Chick

By Yo Jeff! Carroll

Pop culture is fascinated with the role reversal trend in dating. The number of women making more money than their male counterparts is increasing every year, and the cougar craze looks like it’s here to stay. There are cougar conventions and even a cougar TV show. Well, for all of the women who are considering being in an “on top” black business womanrelationship, or as the Tantra would say, A Pair of Tongs, I have a few tips. Whether you’re looking at a younger man or one who makes significantly less money than you, here are some suggestions that could improve the success and harmony of your relationship.

First off, it’s important to remember that the woman as senior breadwinner is a relatively new arrangement.  This option originated from strides made by the women’s liberation movement of the 1960s, and is less than 30 years old in mainstream American culture.  Therefore all of the kinks have not been worked out yet, emotionally speaking, for many of the men and women who find themselves in this situation. Get your mind right about what you are willing to give and what you expect, and learn his positions too.

Be mindful that financial success—or the lack thereof—isn’t directly tied to someone’s work ethic. In other words, just because someone doesn’t make a lot doesn’t mean they’re lazy. Next, not everyone wants to be rich. Some are happy being comfortable, and what that is varies from person to person. Finally, age or income does not equal maturity or intelligence. This is important to understand whether there is a woman or man on top.  Those three tips will give you a good mindset for approaching your woman on top relationship. 

Communication can be a minefield in a role-reversed relationship—but it doesn’t have to be this way. Think about your man’s personality. Is he an alpha male, a supporter, easy-going or quiet? This can clue you in on how to approach an issue without arguing. Communication can be a minefield in a role-reversed relationship—but it doesn’t have to be this way. Think about your man’s personality. Is he an alpha male, a supporter, easy-going or quiet?
Alpha Males want to be in charge, so make sure you have a logical and thorough explanation for your idea. It doesn’t hurt to stroke their egos a bit as well. Supporter men like to make decisions cooperatively, but as they’re a little more nurturing, a few more “I feel” statements can strengthen your point. Easy going men are willing to conform to your wishes, so explanations are not as necessary, but they do help build the Easy going man’s understanding of your decisions.
Sure, you can bully your way around with Supportive and Easy going men, but over the long run that builds bad habits in you as the leader. Decision-makers should always understand their own reasons for their decisions, because any type of man can question your thought process.
A final note on personality typesa: Never automatically assume a Quiet man is an Easy going man. They can be either Supportive or Easy going; the tricky part is to figure out which. I suggest you treat a man who does not talk a lot as a Supportive man and get in the habit of explaining your decisions. Not having reasonable explanations when you are asked about your actions can erode trust in your leadership.
Another aspect of communication is how you talk to your partner, especially in front of other people.  Do not humiliate or be condescending with him. Remember, you are not at the office and he is not your employee–he is your partner. Explain the dynamics of new environments before you bring your partner to them. Sure, the corporate shindig has an open cougarbar, but can he limit it to two drinks since you’re gunning for that promotion? It’s okay to coach him, but you want to make your partner feel as though he’s your teammate, not your inferior. 

These last three tips are generally good for any relationship, but especially those with traditional gender role reversals.
Don’t act like Archie Bunker or the way chauvinistic men did before the ERA movement. Be considerate and thoughtful, the way he should be towards you.  

— Consider the sacrifices your partner makes to do things with you. It may be much harder for him to get a day off from work than it is for you, and he may have to promise some extra commitment down the line. This is very important to remember when it comes to vacations and holidays. 

Finally, love is an emotion expressed through actions, not by the price tag of the gifts you get.

Cougars and female breadwinners are truly liberated women. Having control of your relationship puts you in the drivers seat, but you also have the pressure to fulfill the both the traditional woman’s role as emotional caretaker of the relationship, and the male role of “fixing” or resolving problems that occur, so take your position seriously. The person on top has the power, and with that power comes great responsibility.

Yo Jeff! Caroll is the FIRST hip hop dating coach for men and women for questions and advice email:

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Underground Hip Hop is Dead????

Underground hip Hop is Dead

from Benz and a

Yea, I said it.

It’s an empty genre and an even emptier phrase. For those of you who know me, you probably think I’m crazy at this point. I swear by this “genre”, bump it constantly, and have even DJ’ed it on the radio. Yet, I have my reasons.

The internet has changed the world in infinite ways. You can literally search anything in Google or Wikipedia and find GRIM REAPER - 01out everything you wanted to know about it and more in seconds. Thats basically where my argument begins and ends.

With the internet, it is absurdly easy to be in touch with what is happening in the music world at all levels and genres. Seriously. When I go through my daily rotation of blogs and websites I use to find new music, it is just as easy to find a leaked track from Brother Ali as Fabolous. The internet, especially in the music world, is the great equalizer.

For the past 2 months, I have been living in Cuba, which has given me perspective on a lot of the things I love in my life. My family (I miss them), friends (are family), school (greatest opportunity ever), country (God Bless America), and basic day to day habits (like shitting). But more specifically it has made me think about how underground hip hop functions in a country that is more or less isolated from the rest of the world. I met this guy the other day at a party some American students threw named Francis. My boy Andy started a conversation with him about hip hop and got me in on the cypher. The guy is OBSESSED with MF DOOM (all caps baby). Hip hop runs so deeply in his veins that ever since he was 12 he couldn’t listen to anything else. The guy doesn’t even dance salsa, which is truly an identity crisis in this country. He is studying English right now and lives off a 2 dollar a month stipend from the government. I gave him 3 bucks one night to buy four DVD’s so I could give him some music. His face lit up like a little kid with Santa’s credit card as I browsed through my I-tunes and dragged and dropped 18 GB’s of music. And still, he was able to give me three MF DOOM and two Jurassic 5 albums off his memory stick I didn’t have.


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ALBUM of the WEEK: Blue Scholars – Bayani (Redux)

from Blue
Blue Scholars have emerged out of the erupting Northwest hip-hop scene with soulful beats, poetic yet political rhymes and a reputation for dynamic live performances. With two full-length albums and 3 EPs, the group has become one of the top West Coast independent hip hop acts, known for their energetic and always entertaining live shows and bayania world view that blends the personal and the political, but ain’t afraid to party in the process.

Emcee Geologic and DJ/producer Sabzi come from vastly different musical approaches to experiment with a unique, new sound that still echoes the classic boom-bap of a bygone era (see: A Tribe Called Quest, Digable Planets).

Prior to their collision, Geo had already begun making local rounds as a battle emcee and spoken-word poet, while Sabzi honed his skills as a classical and jazz-trained pianist while attending indie ska and punk shows.  For the rest of their bio, CLICK HERE.

Disclaimer: These are not the complete songs, just 90-second clips so you can get a feel for the music. If you like what you hear, buy the CD. If we want good hip hop to flourish, we’ve gotta support the artists.

MySpace Playlist at

***NOTE – Just so you know, this is a re-release of their last album from 2007. Blue Scholars have just released OOF!, a new EP out now. We haven’t copped it yet to feature it here on GrownHeadz, but if you can’t wait, check out the whole EP FREE here from their website.

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Blue Scholars: Voice of the People!




LEFT - rapper Geologic   Right - producer/DJ Sabzi
LEFT - rapper Geologic RIGHT- producer/DJ Sabzi



NOTE – Since we are featuring Bayani, an ealier release by Blue Scholars, we figured we’d link to an interview they did for Brolin Winning  of

MP3: So I just wanted to talk a bit about the new album. Bayani is coming out. This is your second full length and third release. What can you tell us about it?

Sabzi: Well what particular angle would you like to know about?

I mean, for the cats out there that are completely unfamiliar with you guys, how would you describe it?

Man, this is really—it’s a record where the beats and the rhymes really, really cooperate with one another. I mean, it was produced together. It’s a definite departure from the standard format of underground hip-hop records where you have somebody who goes around collecting beats and fits their hot 16s to it. You see what I’m saying?

Right, right. You’re not just like IM’ing each other tracks.
Yeah, right. The beats were crafted for the verse and the verses were crafted for the beats in that dialectical one DJ one MC relationship. “Bayani,” itself, is a word that we kind of made up that is a nod to both of our cultural and political heritages. Bayan in Tagalog means ‘the people’ and Bayan in Persian, which is an Arabic root word, means ‘utterance.’ So a quick translation would be like “voice of the people.” And the record itself is kind of a collection of stories…we have a song about the war in there, a song about the WTO protest but they’re all told from the perspective of different individuals. So the war song, for example, tells a story of what it’s like for a mother and child to be left at home while the husband goes off to fight. Oh, and there’s another one about what it’s like for an immigrant to come over here and try and find work.

Geologic: With this album, on one hand we wanted to kind of distinguish this body of work from the previous one, but at the same time not deviate too far and kind of build on the strengths of the first two releases. It’s pretty much a simple formula, man, just beats and rhymes and then obviously there’s the political angle that we’re trying to get at.

And then also the whole underlying thing about the Northwest coming up and we really identify with that. And so it’s—you’ll hear a lot more big ups to the area here, stories about what’s going on in our city and the region. And just in general I think it’s a more mature album. I’m glad that we didn’t come out the gate nationally with the first two records. It kind of gave us some time to polish up a little bit so that our actual first release nationally would be where we’re at now. I think it’s good timing for us and also for the scene.

Yeah, what is the scene like in Seattle? I mean, I know there’s a lot popping off but nobody has, since like Mix-A-Lot, nobody has really like blown up on a big scale from out of there. Is it real competitive? Is there a lot of other acts in the mix or what?

Oh, yeah. There’s a whole lot, man. And I think what typifies Seattle is that all these different folks that are hustling to make it, They’re not so much in competition with each other to be the ones to make out the town. If anything, we’re at competition with ourselves to just overcome a lot of barriers that we see in the town, one being that we’re geographically isolated from other parts of the country. Like you said, I mean, the major music industry doesn’t really look at Seattle as one of the priority markets.

But I think while some people might complain about that, I think it’s been a good thing. I think it’s given us an opportunity, all the folks here in the scene to try to establish more of our own identity and at the same time we kind of borrow from a lot of other areas. So up in Seattle you hear a lot of West Coast influence, a lot of East Coast influence, you know folks even from—even the hot sound from the South that’s out right now, there’s some folks that are doing that. But I think that’s all slowly coming together into what will eventually be a Seattle, I wouldn’t say a sound, like a signature sound of Seattle, but the fact that Seattle is so eclectic I think is going to be our identity when it’s all said and done.


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Grownhead Convo: Busta Won’t Make Hall of Fame Cut

Yes! Another episode of one our most popular shows (okay are ONLY show) .  Previously we discussed what would be the rules to get into an imaginary Hip Hall of Fame.  The discussion continued and although we went round and and round on a few things one name popped up that got us REALLY talkin.  Resident Alien drops the bomb. Mr. Busta Bus will not make the cut into the imaginary Hip Hop Hall of  Fame.  Check it out

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MIX of the WEEK: The Novel Mix

Just in case you didn’t know this month is national Novel Writing Month.  We figure its appropriate since some folks here at Grownheadz made their way down to the Miami Internatinal Book Fair.  We even got an interview with Jerry Craft creator of  the comic strip Mama’s Boys (waiting on Resident Alien to knock that out). but ANYway check out the mix remeber you can always minimize the screen and open another screen and let the muscic play while you cruise the net.

1. Hard Knock Life – Jay Z
2. Hard Knock Life (INSTR)
3. Dirt Off Your Shoulder – Jay Z
4. The What – Biggie Smalls & Method Man
5. Umbrella (INSTR)
6. I Don’t Like the Look Of It – Da Backwoodz
7. Science Fiction – The Mighty Underdogs
8. Beat 5 (INSTR)

9. Slow & Low – Run DMC
10. Slow & Low – Beastie Boys
11. Thuggish Ruggish Bone – Bone,Thugs & Harmony
12. Capt. Save’em (INSTR)
13. Shaka – Q-Tip
14. 2-32’s – Jean Grae
15. Some Beat (INSTR)
16. Reprogram – Channel Live
17. Hey Young World – Slick Rick

JUST A NOTE – as you can see above Run-DMC and The Beastie Boys  have done Slow & Low, MAYBE a little  known fact Run-DMC actually wrote Slow & Low and did a demo version which just got released for the first time on the the RE-release of King of Rock

MySpace Playlist at

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Michael Steele’s Monday To Do List

steele - 01

Michael Steele’s Monday Itinerary

9 am     Email speech ideas to RNC vetting board

10 am   Research healthcare pitch to NAACP; Disorderlies in Netflix queue

11 am   Line up KFC sponsorship for African-American outreach campaign.

                 Sidenote: Ask for lifetime chicken pass; maybe this will get me back into the family reunions!

12 pm  Check to see if Clarence Thomas confirmed FaceBook request

1 pm    Vetting board replies: nixed opening rap and big finish tap dance, but suggested location change to watermelon patch. Feedback, they’re warming to me!

2 pm    Weekly re-edit of Wikipedia entry while ducking calls from Black Crusaders

 3 pm     Practice “You da man!” to sound more authentic before conference call with Ward, Armstrong and Juan.

4 pm    Call Rico Suave, Macarena guys for possible Latin outreach.

4:30     Cut out early to buy advance tickets for Precious; hope it’s as funny as Norbit!

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Senate Democrats… to do the damn thing.

We’ve gotten on the Democrats for this type of behavior before. Now, the House Democrats FINALLY passed a healthcare bill (by 3 votes), and as the Prez said, “the baton is now passed to you,” Senate Dems. The big ol’ history train is pulling out, and they need to get a ticket and ride. Republicans didn’t give a DAMN when they had the majority. Just do the health bill, include the public option and, as for our friends on the other side of the aisle? F#*CK EM.

Sammy Sosa….WTF brother man!?!

sammy sosa Apparently Sammy is Michael Jackson’s Number 1 Fan. CBS2 in Chicago reported:

“In the first segment of a two-part interview on the Spanish Univision network, the former Cubs star said that playing all those day games under the sun at Wrigley Field damaged his skin.

Sosa admits to using an unnamed European skin cream to repair the damage.

white_eddie_murphy“I have this cream that I put on at night before I go to bed,” Sosa said. “And it lightens the skin on my face a bit. But this has caused such a controversy, that even I am surprised.”

Sosa claims the lightening of his skin is a side effect, not the main aim of the treatment. But others aren’t convinced.

Several dermatologists who have seen the Sosa pictures believe he’s definitely undergoing some kind of bleaching treatment, perhaps using lasers or chemicals.”

I want to take Sammy at his word, but he’s looking a lot like Mr. White from that old Eddie Murphy SNL skit.

Michael Steele…Your Republican BFF’s are scared, but not of you.

Michael Steele is the wrrroooooonnnng...well, he might be the right one to f#@k wit...
Michael Steele is the wrrroooooonnnng...well, he might be the right one to f#@k wit...

In a TVOne interview with Roland Martin, Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele agreed that sometimes the GOP appeared afraid to talk to black people. Said Steele, “I’ve been in the room an they’ve been scared of me. I’m like, ‘I’m on your side’.”

Big Mike, I know the path of the sellout can be hard and lonely, and maybe it makes you feel better to think nobody’s coming to dinner because they quake at the sight of an educated black man. Well, they do, but that’s not their problem with you. Naw dog, they’re just not that into you. After all your famous flubs on the mic, they fear your mouth more than anything else.

You’re always one TV camera away from saying something stupid, and your  “colleagues” are afraid they’ll once again have to flay you on FOX News while ducking the obvious question of why you’re the party’s straw boss in the first place.

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ALBUM of the WEEK: Shawn Jackson – First Of All

shawn jack-1st of all

 From his label Tres Records
“Shawn Jackson is a hip hop recording artist who has clearly preserved his ’88 hip hop admiration, while balancing it with the relevance of today’s culture.  An aspiring MC for years, Shawn was introduced to the hip hop community in 1999 as Soul Kaliba, one half of the Rhode Island based group Roolette.  In 2002, Shawn quickly bounced back to release his debut solo project, “Soul Searching” catching buzz in the college radio market, followed up by the 2004 release, “Opium,” a ‘demo,’ which caught fire among Rhode Island hip hop fans.

In 2005, Shawn returned back to his home of Southern California to release the experimental 12″ called “GO!”  Produced by Newman of Giant Panda.  Shawn and Newman, went under the moniker of New Jack Hustle, receiving critical acclaim.

Shawn Jackson’s latest project, “First of All…” is a highly anticipated album that aims to satisfy true fans that feel a void within quality hip hop music. His swagger, rhyme play, and well thought out content, sets a high standard for those that choose to follow…”

Mentioned above is Shawn Jackson’s collaboration in the group New Jack Hustle which we featured previously here as an Album Of The Week. But ANYway ,don’t forget, these are not the complete songs—just 90-second clips so you can get a feel for the music. If you like what you hear, go out and buy the CD.  Quality hip hop grows when we support the artists

MySpace Playlist at

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